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Saturday, October 11, 2014

Maybe it worked a little to well ?






Many of you know that Logan and Ava from the time they were young have not been able to view whatever they please as most kids have.

So movies like Transformers, things like that were not on the map, anything violent and or any movie over sexed, trying to keep their minds from being corrupted anymore than need be at a young age.

Now over the last few years we have been trying to slowly  introducing themes and movies to them that we feel they might can handle now and we're seeing how maybe we were wrong in this idea we had.

Logan really has no issues, his brain is wired very different. Ava , OH MY GOD, this child is an absolute train wreck if she sees something frightening or scary. I am talking shaking, screaming, melt down mode.

Ava DOES NOT like being alone at all. She hates the dark which started last year for NO reason.


By her age I had seen Jaws, Alien and so on. Not the best movies for little kids to see but Ava is almost 10 so we decided to maybe start  to desensitize  her a bit. NO GO. I wanted her to be protected from seeing violence and things children SHOULDN'T see, PERIOD but now we are at the other end of the spectrum and I have no clue how to calm her, she knows it's not real but it doesn't help




Movies we've tried

Jaws -  they were fine with the naked chick swimming being eaten BUT OMG the boy on the yellow raft getting eaten, they both screamed and cried

Sleepy hollow,  Logan was fine, Ava was fine til the real first seen of head lopping then screaming ensued with shaking


Maximum Overdrive : I mean the special effects in the 80's weren't great. Kids thought the beginning was great because it was filmed in Wilmington NC and they have been over the bridge in the beginning BUT the scene where the turkey slicer cuts the waitresses arm and blood comes out, Ava again starts to scream and shake and saying STOP IT

Alien ( last night ) Everything was fine until that icon dinner scene where the alien makes his little debut out of Kane's stomach, OH BOY.


You might think we are bad parents for this but something's got to give, At least my kids haven't seen these movies and worse by the time they were 8 and 9 like a lot of their classmates and neighbors have.


I am happy to a point where she is not desensitized but it's getting a little aggravating

Any ideas ?

Picture above reflects the next 10 yrs of her life where My little pony, spongebob and and that stuff will continue to  deflect all that fear
Sunday, September 21, 2014

A pat on the back .............



So Logan has returned to Adams ( his old school ) The new charter school was not a good fit for him for many reasons. He got the rock star treatment the day of his return

So immediatly upon his return the therapist said " IEP meeting this week ! "


I was a little perturbed going into the meeting since the day before I had found out Logan failed his VERY FIRST TEST EVER because he forgot to study but his teacher just blew it off in a kind way stating , he has a lot of catching up to do and not to worry or to punish him ( have I told you all how much Logan is loved )

Logan in 4 days of being back at his old school has learned all the math they have learned since going back to school on July 28th, yeah his teacher is pretty impressed.


So we get to the heart of the meeting and now they are saying Logan will be let go from the program and of course I am NOT trying to hear any of this, I am coming up with all kinds of quirks that have appeared, his motor skills have been lacking ( that doesnt count as anything because it doesn't effect his academics ). I said " Well I will have to tell Logan to get some new bad  habits ;).  The three therapist and his current teacher laughed and said " NO NO NO, he will be fine. "  I told them I didn't want him released til end of the year, I am terrified of what middle school will bring. They all four assured me Logan is confident , capable and it pretty amazing and will have no problems BUT what they will do is fill out paper work so that Logan can still go once a week and be a mentor for the other kids, which is basically what he's doing now.

One of the therapist said " Mom, you guys did great on early intervention, pat yourself on the back, most people would LOVE to have their kids at this point "

I responded " I can't , because my job isn't done. Yeah he's a great kid, he's super smart, we are getting their socially but I still have to have my guard up, I have to be ready for any change in anyway."

I am proud that Ryan and I worked ourselves exhausted when he was younger to get him to this point, I still feel like my job isn't done til I die.


I don't think any parent ever rest easy til their kids are like 30, right ?


Am I to hard on myself  ? Why can't I relax in my parenting ?




Friday, August 29, 2014

Doing what comes naturally.............




Over the last month has been interesting.

Back in July Logan told us he was tired of going to church ( he's been going since he was 5 months old ). So we took a 2 week break from going but I listened to the pod cast and did some reading so I was good, Ava NOT HAPPY about not going.


So finally after two week, I asked Logan if he would rather come into the service with the adults with the understanding that HE had TO SIT STILL, no noises, so on and so on. So Logan joined Ryan and I in the auditorium.  When the music started (  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GczXqxSU6HA ) he put his hand into mine and into Ryan's and sang with us, he lifted his hand a little, my heart soared. 


I LOVE LOVE LOVE when he connects with God with us, it's very moving and spiritual to see my children worship and practice the word of God.

A few days after We laid in bed and had this really deep conversation about why do we have to fear God and sin. For example, I said if Bob steals a candy bar and Matthew kills someone, which do you think is worse  ?

Logan and Ava responded , ' KILLING ! "


I replied, " NO, it's not worse in God's eyes. Sin is sin, there is no sin that is worse than the other , NOW Man's law there are different degrees of awfulness for crimes "

I am glad Logan sat with us that day because the series we are in is all about busyness and why we don't hear God when we demand he listen and do what we want. So  Logan can understand that quiet time without distractions needs to start being practiced now. I don't feel like I hear God very much but I can never turn my brain off from worries and stress but there are times when I feel the calmness come over me and I know instantly.




Practicing what we preach and what we know :

I have told the kids that since you are  Christians, people will always watch to see if YOU mess up, say something, do something or not  do something cause of your faith. I have always reminded them that they are not perfect but PEOPLE will love to throw things into their face.

Three examples of living out what they learn and NOT being afraid to be stared at or challenged in their faith.


Last week the kids and I attended a neighbors birthday party at the pool. Everyone was getting their food and sitting down. Ava got her food and was sitting down, I was behind snapping photos. I looked down and saw Ava with her hands together and she went to bring them up but then stopped, I leaned down and whispered " it's okay " I kept my hand on hers and she prayed, then I kissed her on the top of her head. Some of the kids were staring but it's okay we don't mind !



At the beginning of the week Logan came home and said  " I asked my teacher if I could bring my bible to read"

Me " what did she say ? "
Logan " One rule,.... Don't loose it ! "

Yesterday when Logan gets home, he says mom " I'm  not allowed to talk to others about God at school. My new friend in my class asked what the Bible was cause I had it out reading it. I started to tell him about God and the teacher said I couldn't "

I smiled really big and gave him a hug.

Me " Logan you cannot teach others about God at school in that way but you can show them  by being kind, caring, loving, you can shine that light that you have so people see it."

Logan  " I'm going to make a guideline for being  a Christian, the steps you have to follow for my friend and give it to him. "

Me : "  Let  me check with the teacher first please "

Logan " She said I couldn't teach it BUT it DOESN'T mean I can't write it down and give it to him ! "
Ryan and I died laughing, clever boy !



Are my kids perfect, NOPE, but they understand deeply what it means to love and share their light with the people around them and Yes I am a very proud Momma of them ;)






NOTE : The picture at the top of the blog is my work, if you want to use it , please ask ;)

Friday, July 25, 2014

Year of the Monkey ......................



My Monkey Ava will begin the 4th grade on Monday.

This track out /summer feels like it went by way to fast. She is changing in so many ways, her body, her mind and yes even the mouth ( gee I wonder where she gets it from )


It has been hard this last week to watch her and Logan deal with the separation , crying and clinging and them stating " WE HAVE TO SPEND every waking moment together " 

I have found them sleeping together, arms around each other and snuggled, you might think it's weird or strange because of their ages and maybe it is but to see the way they love each other comforts me.


School supplies are purchased, clothes and sneakers  can wait another week since the weather shows no signs of cooling to much.


I pray this year that Ava can focus more. I know she will spread her wings and fly this year  and maybe no phone calls from the office ;))


one can hope right  ;)



Sunday, July 13, 2014

New Beginnings



A new charter school has opened up about 4 minutes from the house. I put an application in for Ava and Logan.

Logan got accepted, Ava is # 80 on the waiting list for 4th grade. I think Logan got in because most parents don't want their kids starting a new school in the 5th grade but this school will eventually go all the way thru high school.


Ava will restart school July28th and Logan will begin Aug 20th, so he will have almost a month home alone. I am not worried about if he will have friends there, A lot of his friends from his old school will also be attending this new school.

A lot of people have been negative about the charter schools, well phooey on you  !

My child has a chance at something greater, don't get me wrong with LOVE LOVE ADAMS and all the teachers the kids have had and even the ones they haven't had that we are friends with but this learning will be designed for each child specifically and I feel Logan will greatly benefit from this since he seems to be ahead of the curve.

We have talked to Logan about the expectations, the uniform, keeping it neat, keeping shirt tucked in, wearing the same thing every day ( yay ! saves money for me ! ) the expectations the school puts on him and us as a parents, there is MORE ACCOUNTABILITY.

I also advised Logan that at any moment I can see what assignments have  been turned in and which ones haven't, I don't think he liked that too much but I will love being able to see that online whenever I want.

There are also clubs and maybe even a guitar club starting !

Also the fact that this year he can start learning a foreign language, I have advised him Spanish first then once he masters that he can choose the next language, in turn Logan says " Why do I have to learn Spanish, I am American,"

I replied,  " the more languages you know, the more money you make "

The deal on that has been sealed on that !

Ava will fight me tooth and nail if and when the time comes for her to move over, my social butterfly.

I advised her that even though she loves her friends and I love her friends, a good handful of people she knows will also be attending and her friends won't pay the bills when she's older , a good education will and we as a family will take that path.



NOW with that being said, if the Charter school doesn't work out, Logan is more than welcomed back to his old school, Ryan could tell when he was speaking to his old school, they didn't want him to leave but they understood why.

I already feel the guilt of Logan leaving some of his friends, I've gotten the emails and messages but we have to do what we feel is best for our kids but there are always weekends and holiday breaks for get togethers !

I just feel in my heart that we are being led to this place, as a good friend Audrey told me " God wants him at Cardinal" and I truly believe this and Ava will follow next year.


So just keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we make this transition, one in year round and one in traditional is SURELY GOING TO BE INTERESTING !!!





Monday, June 23, 2014

Is there a Dr. in the house ?

             



So every few weeks I go to Logan's computer and check the history to make sure they are NOT viewing anything that they shouldn't.

So I come across where someone had viewed a knee replacement surgery and I just shake my head.

Our morning conversation while snuggling in bed

ME : Logan did you watch a video on knee replacement surgery  ? "

Logan, " Yes but almost through the 2nd video I had to turn it off, it was gross "

LOL

Logan loved the idea of all the tools and the mechanics of surgery, he said he wants to be a surgeon and surgeons need good math skills and he says " Well I am awesome at math "

Surgeon ?

Hmmmm, does Logan have the capability of that human connection if he ever had to tell someone a surgery went wrong or their loved one died on the table ?

You might think wow what a horrible way to think, but it's true. I think Logan has enough empathy but then again he watched a video of a child born with almost no face and said it was disgusting and YES we had a talk about that as well and Logan did show remorse and I reminded him that even if he thinks something, it's NOT always nice to post it  or say it out loud, I asked him " Does God make mistakes ? "  He stood and thought for a moment, well a little ? "

I said " What if someone said YOU were a mistake because of your autism, do you think God make you as a mistake ? "

Logan " A little maybe "

I called him over and hugged him close and whispered " YOU and NO ONE else are mistakes. You are perfectly and wonderfully made and you know this."

I gave him a big squeeze and then he announced he was awesome and ran off to play while running on this tippy toes !


So it's been a week since I started this blog and I have had the privilege of being Logan's surgical assistant as he did liposuction on his lamb. Logan's room looks like an operating room right now as well.

This could be just another wonderful obsession to where his gains a lot of knowledge about surgery and knee replacements or it could stay with him but he's only 10 so I will manage my expectations....

For now ;)



Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Ava the BEE Stalker !






So Ava LOVES to catch bees.

Bees you say ?

YES, BEES.

Back in first grade she caught one and tried to make friends with it and yes she got stung. After this incident Logan made Bee warning signs and put them on the playground to warn others of the killer bees and he cried that Ava got stung and ever since then he is TERRIFIED of bees.

Terrified to the point if a bee  was in the yard, he would holler or cry because he didn't want to come into the yard for fear of being stung. Well fast forward 2 yrs and yes Logan is still terrified and Ava is still trying to catch bees.

This is Ryan and I's conversation thru FB chat last night when I was at work



well ava just got stung again

by a dead bumblebee
Lol
Did she cry

well heck yea she did lol

she was screaming

I did the baking soda and vinegar cure

and some ice water

she got this terrified look on her face

and whimpered lol

hopefully lesson learned this time
What did.Logan do

well they were doing an experiment, they'd found the one dead bee and dissected it and found the venom

so they were going to collect alot of bees and alot of venom and see how it reacted to blood from a scab

so logan was basically cheering her on to find more bees

And this is a typical night in our house !


Monday, April 21, 2014

Autism ..........


How to start this blog ?

what do YOU think autism is ? Before you knew my son or any other child with autism , how did you define autism or did you know what is was or did you refer to the movie Rain Man with Dustin Hoffman.


Don't feel bad, after Logan's diagnoses at 2, we thought oh my he will have no life, he will be like Rain man because we had NO other examples of what autism was.


Things that annoy me

NO my son cannot do  tricks like Rainman when it comes to dropping toothpicks

Well NO of course you can't tell he has autism just by looking at him, he's NOT deformed

Wow I bet he gets all kinds of therapy for free.

So he doesn't like to be touched  ?

Wow he speaks ?

Aren't you mad at God for doing this to your son ?

The Worst and I MEAN WORST thing people do when they find out Logan is autistic is they give that look of pity at me. I really just want to laugh in their face when they do that. At times I would even tell someone please don't look at me that way, it's not a death sentence.




seriously though, it was almost like a death when we got the diagnoses, the child we thought we had was gone, our image of what we wanted for Logan had died and now we had this child who would in turn have his days filled with therapy, constant learning , rages and melt downs.


But we found new life within Logan's autism. So much more than I could've imagined and I know he's only 10 yrs old but I'm pretty proud of him, our proud of our family. I have to say i'm especially proud of Ava.



Ava has had to experience a lot thru Logan's autism and i'm sure it was frightening at times, lonely and also wonderful. She has a brother who loves her dearly, they protect one another. Ava is pretty much always aware when she needs to include her brother along. There are times she gets upset because Logan seems to be perfect at everything he does. The other day I told Ava you know NOT to ask people if they are poor or rich to not offend, your brother doesn't. You have no trouble making friends as to where your brother does and your heart,love and compassion is a real God given gift that cannot be taught. 


I have met  some really wonderful Amazing people that if Logan didn't have autism our family might have never known them.  For one, Rachel, who was Logan's shadow at church for years thru the special needs buddy program at church. I can't even imagine her not being in our life, even though she lives in Africa now, her presence is always felt with Logan. She is someone I look up to everyday to try and be better in life.



Judie Mark and M, even though Ava and M have been in the same class pretty much their whole school life, Maybe I wouldn't be as close to them if it wasn't for autism.  It's awesome to sit with another mom and not have to stop to apologize to the other mom for what your kid has asked or said or to stop your conversation to explain something.  I treasure our time together,  I love how Logan and M and Ava play together even though they aren't exactly playing together. I love how Logan and M autism is very different from one another, they can have friction against each other during play but then high five each other because they have autism and they get to go first at the Easter egg hunt. I truly love this family and they are great friends.

Or Dj at my church who is autistic , the gentle giant who runs a business for his art work. He's an amazing person who does speaking engagements, I'm even jealous that he has met Temple Grandin several times !

http://myimagiville.com/


I've met so many awesome people thru autism and then of course the other side, the bullying, the weird looks. It has happened several times over the last few years but the school they attend is on it the moment I notify them. The middle school years approaching and it will only get worse, I hope it won't but middle school was hell, I hated every day of it.

Have I ever been or am I mad at God for Logan's autism ?



In the beginning I felt like maybe I was being punished, why us ? we did everything right, we got married before we had kids, had been married a long time before having kids, I stayed home with him, ate right while pregnant and exercised but mad ?   NO.

God has created some of the most intriguing and unique things on our planet and I think this includes those who are not " neurotypical " I think God has a sense of humor, I think he understands the pain and heartache we have felt at times with the autism but then there's that light that shines thru in Logan and I know he has BiG plans for him.

A month ago at Logan's 2nd guitar lesson, he asked his instructor if he could play something, my son sat there and played Bach in minut G, brought tears to my eyes and I was breathless, I had NO idea he could do that but he did.

I have a child with autism that doubts me a lot in what I say because he knows he is smarter than me, it's okay, he is. 

I have a child with autism who has a heart of gold even though he might ask offensive questions like are you poor  cause you live here or are you rich cause you travel, or WOW you are fat while pointing at someones stomach.

I have  a child with autism that has a sense of humor that is emerging and is trying to learn to laugh at himself and NOT be so serious.

I have a child with autism who can hear music once or twice and turn around and play it on a keyboard or guitar.

I have a child that can make a Mayan math chart  that could stump even the smartest of math folks.

I have a child with autism who refuses to give up our morning snuggling ritual.

I have a child with autism who discussed with us his desire for all of us to be baptized.

I have a child with autism who is terrified of bees and will melt into  a puddle if he thinks one is near

I have a child with autism who has trouble getting conversations out without stumbling over words or has to have absolutely no one else talking when he wants to talk to me

I have a child with autism who played the birth of Christ and crucifixtion  with his friends on the playground at his public school

I have  a child with autism who is amazing, brilliant, loving, kind, who loves to be touched, held and times demands it.

I have a child with autism and I don't think vaccines were the cause ( yes it is true, I DON"T think that is the cause ) I think people want something or someone to  blame.

I am so thankful for Logan and everything he has taught me what it means to be his mother.


Speaking as a mother ............

Now when I lay awake at night there are no tears as I worry about will he live on his own ? hold down a job, or have a family of his own, years have passed since I've laid in the dark, tears never ending, it will be okay.

There are days when I am so frustrated at him, I say Logan did you brush your teeth ? His response, well you didn't tell me ? My response,well I don't tell you to breathe either , ya KINDA JUST DO IT !  NOW, brush your teeth dragon breath !

As a mother I feel like I haven't pushed Logan hard enough with his conversation abilities but I pushed so hard in the beginning and honestly I get tired of pushing and pushing. There are times I just throw my hands up and say Lord, please let common sense fall into his  head ( especially Ava's ) I can;t do this anymore without going crazy.

I know I'm doing plenty wrong, I just hope the good out weighs the bad in the end. I know we are blessed that Logan is high functioning compared to what some families go thru but we have to remember they all have a light that needs to shine, just let it shine.


This blog is all over the place, done over a course of a day and i've been thinking of how to write is since April started , I can't collect my thoughts enough in one space today ;) There's so much I want to say about Logan and autism but if you know us and or you met him then you know, you understand, if you are a parent, relative or friend of  a family of someone with autism or just know someone with autism in their life, then you understand.
Saturday, March 29, 2014

Happy birthday butterfly

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SWEET baby butterfly girl. I can't believe you are 9 !!!

I hope you enjoyed your surprise slumber party and your new room.

You are the kindest sweetest compassionate girl I know. Your love for your family, friends and God and you amazes me everyday.




Saturday, February 1, 2014

Hard to let that light shine sometimes........


So over the last few days a so called friend of Ava's has turned on her. 

I don't know if it's because the girl is jealous of another friendship Ava is involved with or what but some pretty ugly things have been said to Ava.

Now we all know how girls can be, and this is what I hate about girls !!!

I told Ava late last week when this started to turn the other cheek, that person is going to say what they are going to say, nothing she can do about it. Jealousy can be an ugly thing.

Today, Ava, Logan and a few other girls were playing in our backyard. When everyone went home, Logan let is slip they formed a club against this girl who has turned into a " mean girl " Ava shouts  " LOGAN! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL " and of course nothing can be easy on my Saturday , right ? lol

I sat the kids down and I told them that this is NOT a wise choice and I know they don't like what is being said to them and about them BUT IT IS THEIR job TO NOT conjole  or plot against this girl. Logan states they are doing it to protect themselves, they are standing up for themselves.


I explained the best way to do that is to pray for this girl who obviously is lacking something in her family life to where her lying is tolerated ( her mother has told me herself the girl lied so much in their old neighborhood everyone stopped paying attention to her)  and this behavior is deemed okay. The other course of action when they come across her and she starts talking smack is to ignore her and walk away.

I explained to Logan and Ava is they do ANYTHING ELSE then they are NO better than what she is doing to them. People are always watching to see when  a Christian will fail and mess up and since they are Christians they are held to a higher standard and as their parent I EXPECT them to have a better way of handling these situations.

I know parents don't want to think their kids do bad or unsavory things but guess what ? THEY DO, even mine but I have to step in and guide them in the right direction.

Needless to say I feel like saying a few words to this girl and her mother since we generously opened our home, had fed this girl when she has claimed she had no food at home, let her spend the night cause she doesn't want to be at home and this is how this child treats generosity?

But I have to keep in mind, she is just that, a child. PERIOD.


I hope Ava and Logan put to use what I have guided them with in this situation cause if I find out they have spoken to this girl in an ugly way, there will be some sore butts in the Foster house !

Point is, even at this age, treat people how you want to be treated, PERIOD



Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Parenting and snow days, they are both hard and will drive you insane !



Ugh

The kids track out just ended late last week but today is a snow day. The snow hasn't even started falling yet and it's almost 3pm. My work is closed today and tomorrow, NOT GOOD since I don't get paid when I don't work.

The kids have been pretty good except ....



AVA my flower.

Ava thinks I am so against her but I'm not. I just want her to have a better social understanding so she's not viewed as weird or odd like I was when I was her age cause it will stick til high school is over.

At times I think maybe I should be like some of these parents and NOT try and just let her find her way, but how can an 8 yr old find their way with no guidance ? Even then some parents aren't the best guides, heck some would say I'm not cause I am very strict and harsh with punishment at times.

Either way I want the snow to come so I can sit and watch and the kids will out and run around  cause that is the only way to get Logan out of the house right now is if we have snow falling.

I hope where ever you are, you are warm and safe.