You're thinking March 28th 2006 ? hmmmm it sounds so familiar and so long ago.
It was Ava's first birthday when we got that fateful call that morning to bring Logan to testing.
I already knew in my heart for months what the answer was going to be.
They were gone for hours, Logan and Ryan but I knew when they returned, my husband's face when he had left was happy and maybe a little apprehensive had changed to a face of worry, anxiety and fear and pain, the death of our first child, well the child we had known for 2 yrs and now on our sweet girl's first birthday sorrow had taken over.........
But for those who know us, we don't allow Logan's D day ( diagnoses day ) Overshadow Ava's birthdays, it's her day to feel super amazing.
It was a conscience decision we had to make, Ava was not at fault of it happening that day, her day.
I remember Logan coming thru the door and smiling and running to his grandmother and to his sister, happy as always.
When Ryan told me they confirmed it, I cried, not my baby even though I had known in my heart for months.
So many fears of OMG he's NOT NORMAL, he's going to be the weird kid like I was !! He won't have any friends, what are we going to do ???
How will Ava turn out having a brother who's so different and what about her? Will she have it ?
We all handled it in our own ways but after a few months we were on the same page as far as discipline continuing and loving Ava and Logan the same and we would not treat him as a disability.
It was such hard work and Ava right by her brother's side NEVER letting him retreat to the solidarity cage inside himself.
Days and years of therapy, and IEP's have paid off.
I remember once Logan came home in first grade and told me he didn't like having autism, it was frustrating to him.
YES Logan has always known he's autistic, why hide it ?
BUT now he understands that some of how he is so academically gifted and gifted in other areas is because of his autism.
A few months ago we explained to Logan when we found out and how he was diagnosed on Ava's first birthday and this really upset him and his response was " Ava, I'm sorry I ruined your first birthday."
We sat down and had a long talk and I assured him he didn't ruin her birthday, it's just another interesting story we have for our life.
BUT the most important thing to take away from this blog is our marriage
The divorce rate among parents with children with special needs is Soooooooooooooooo high it's between 80 and 90 percent.
THE ONE thing that sticks out about that day the most is this interaction between Ryan and I later that night
ME " it took so long, why did it take you guys so long to get home ?" ( from his testing )
Ryan " I took the long way home to give you 20 more minutes of the life you knew before it changed"
That my friends is what I remember most about that day, my husband taking that time to think of me and what this was going to do to me and our life as a family and I am forever grateful for Ryan for loving me enough for thinking of me in those moments when his heart was breaking.
I love you Ryan
