Is there a Dr. in the house ?

             

So every few weeks I go to Logan's computer and check the history to make sure they are NOT viewing anything that they shouldn't.

So I come across where someone had viewed a knee replacement surgery and I just shake my head.

Our morning conversation while snuggling in bed

ME : Logan did you watch a video on knee replacement surgery  ? "

Logan, " Yes but almost through the 2nd video I had to turn it off, it was gross "

LOL

Logan loved the idea of all the tools and the mechanics of surgery, he said he wants to be a surgeon and surgeons need good math skills and he says " Well I am awesome at math "

Surgeon ?

Hmmmm, does Logan have the capability of that human connection if he ever had to tell someone a surgery went wrong or their loved one died on the table ?

You might think wow what a horrible way to think, but it's true. I think Logan has enough empathy but then again he watched a video of a child born with almost no face and said it was disgusting and YES we had a talk about that as well and Logan did show remorse and I reminded him that even if he thinks something, it's NOT always nice to post it  or say it out loud, I asked him " Does God make mistakes ? "  He stood and thought for a moment, well a little ? "

I said " What if someone said YOU were a mistake because of your autism, do you think God make you as a mistake ? "

Logan " A little maybe "

I called him over and hugged him close and whispered " YOU and NO ONE else are mistakes. You are perfectly and wonderfully made and you know this."

I gave him a big squeeze and then he announced he was awesome and ran off to play while running on this tippy toes !


So it's been a week since I started this blog and I have had the privilege of being Logan's surgical assistant as he did liposuction on his lamb. Logan's room looks like an operating room right now as well.

This could be just another wonderful obsession to where his gains a lot of knowledge about surgery and knee replacements or it could stay with him but he's only 10 so I will manage my expectations....

For now ;)

Ava the BEE Stalker !

So Ava LOVES to catch bees.

Bees you say ?

YES, BEES.

Back in first grade she caught one and tried to make friends with it and yes she got stung. After this incident Logan made Bee warning signs and put them on the playground to warn others of the killer bees and he cried that Ava got stung and ever since then he is TERRIFIED of bees.

Terrified to the point if a bee  was in the yard, he would holler or cry because he didn't want to come into the yard for fear of being stung. Well fast forward 2 yrs and yes Logan is still terrified and Ava is still trying to catch bees.

This is Ryan and I's conversation thru FB chat last night when I was at work

well ava just got stung again

by a dead bumblebee

Lol

Did she cry

well heck yea she did lol

she was screaming

I did the baking soda and vinegar cure

and some ice water

't swell up like rupert

she got this terrified look on her face

and whimpered lol

hopefully lesson learned this time

What did.Logan do

well they were doing an experiment, they'd found the one dead bee and dissected it and found the venom

so they were going to collect alot of bees and alot of venom and see how it reacted to blood from a scab

so logan was basically cheering her on to find more bees

And this is a typical night in our house !

Autism ..........

How to start this blog ?

what do YOU think autism is ? Before you knew my son or any other child with autism , how did you define autism or did you know what is was or did you refer to the movie Rain Man with Dustin Hoffman.

Don't feel bad, after Logan's diagnoses at 2, we thought oh my he will have no life, he will be like Rain man because we had NO other examples of what autism was.

Things that annoy me

NO my son cannot do  tricks like Rainman when it comes to dropping toothpicks

Well NO of course you can't tell he has autism just by looking at him, he's NOT deformed

Wow I bet he gets all kinds of therapy for free.

So he doesn't like to be touched  ?

Wow he speaks ?

Aren't you mad at God for doing this to your son ?

The Worst and I MEAN WORST thing people do when they find out Logan is autistic is they give that look of pity at me. I really just want to laugh in their face when they do that. At times I would even tell someone please don't look at me that way, it's not a death sentence.

seriously though, it was almost like a death when we got the diagnoses, the child we thought we had was gone, our image of what we wanted for Logan had died and now we had this child who would in turn have his days filled with therapy, constant learning , rages and melt downs.

But we found new life within Logan's autism. So much more than I could've imagined and I know he's only 10 yrs old but I'm pretty proud of him, our proud of our family. I have to say i'm especially proud of Ava.

Ava has had to experience a lot thru Logan's autism and i'm sure it was frightening at times, lonely and also wonderful. She has a brother who loves her dearly, they protect one another. Ava is pretty much always aware when she needs to include her brother along. There are times she gets upset because Logan seems to be perfect at everything he does. The other day I told Ava you know NOT to ask people if they are poor or rich to not offend, your brother doesn't. You have no trouble making friends as to where your brother does and your heart,love and compassion is a real God given gift that cannot be taught. 

I have met  some really wonderful Amazing people that if Logan didn't have autism our family might have never known them.  For one, Rachel, who was Logan's shadow at church for years thru the special needs buddy program at church. I can't even imagine her not being in our life, even though she lives in Africa now, her presence is always felt with Logan. She is someone I look up to everyday to try and be better in life.

Judie Mark and M, even though Ava and M have been in the same class pretty much their whole school life, Maybe I wouldn't be as close to them if it wasn't for autism.  It's awesome to sit with another mom and not have to stop to apologize to the other mom for what your kid has asked or said or to stop your conversation to explain something.  I treasure our time together,  I love how Logan and M and Ava play together even though they aren't exactly playing together. I love how Logan and M autism is very different from one another, they can have friction against each other during play but then high five each other because they have autism and they get to go first at the Easter egg hunt. I truly love this family and they are great friends.

Or Dj at my church who is autistic , the gentle giant who runs a business for his art work. He's an amazing person who does speaking engagements, I'm even jealous that he has met Temple Grandin several times !

http://myimagiville.com/

I've met so many awesome people thru autism and then of course the other side, the bullying, the weird looks. It has happened several times over the last few years but the school they attend is on it the moment I notify them. The middle school years approaching and it will only get worse, I hope it won't but middle school was hell, I hated every day of it.

Have I ever been or am I mad at God for Logan's autism ?

In the beginning I felt like maybe I was being punished, why us ? we did everything right, we got married before we had kids, had been married a long time before having kids, I stayed home with him, ate right while pregnant and exercised but mad ?   NO.

God has created some of the most intriguing and unique things on our planet and I think this includes those who are not " neurotypical " I think God has a sense of humor, I think he understands the pain and heartache we have felt at times with the autism but then there's that light that shines thru in Logan and I know he has BiG plans for him.

A month ago at Logan's 2nd guitar lesson, he asked his instructor if he could play something, my son sat there and played Bach in minut G, brought tears to my eyes and I was breathless, I had NO idea he could do that but he did.

I have a child with autism that doubts me a lot in what I say because he knows he is smarter than me, it's okay, he is. 

I have a child with autism who has a heart of gold even though he might ask offensive questions like are you poor  cause you live here or are you rich cause you travel, or WOW you are fat while pointing at someones stomach.

I have  a child with autism that has a sense of humor that is emerging and is trying to learn to laugh at himself and NOT be so serious.

I have a child with autism who can hear music once or twice and turn around and play it on a keyboard or guitar.

I have a child that can make a Mayan math chart  that could stump even the smartest of math folks.

I have a child with autism who refuses to give up our morning snuggling ritual.

I have a child with autism who discussed with us his desire for all of us to be baptized.

I have a child with autism who is terrified of bees and will melt into  a puddle if he thinks one is near

I have a child with autism who has trouble getting conversations out without stumbling over words or has to have absolutely no one else talking when he wants to talk to me

I have a child with autism who played the birth of Christ and crucifixtion  with his friends on the playground at his public school

I have  a child with autism who is amazing, brilliant, loving, kind, who loves to be touched, held and times demands it.

I have a child with autism and I don't think vaccines were the cause ( yes it is true, I DON"T think that is the cause ) I think people want something or someone to  blame.

I am so thankful for Logan and everything he has taught me what it means to be his mother.

Speaking as a mother ............

Now when I lay awake at night there are no tears as I worry about will he live on his own ? hold down a job, or have a family of his own, years have passed since I've laid in the dark, tears never ending, it will be okay.

There are days when I am so frustrated at him, I say Logan did you brush your teeth ? His response, well you didn't tell me ? My response,well I don't tell you to breathe either , ya KINDA JUST DO IT !  NOW, brush your teeth dragon breath !

As a mother I feel like I haven't pushed Logan hard enough with his conversation abilities but I pushed so hard in the beginning and honestly I get tired of pushing and pushing. There are times I just throw my hands up and say Lord, please let common sense fall into his  head ( especially Ava's ) I can;t do this anymore without going crazy.

I know I'm doing plenty wrong, I just hope the good out weighs the bad in the end. I know we are blessed that Logan is high functioning compared to what some families go thru but we have to remember they all have a light that needs to shine, just let it shine.

This blog is all over the place, done over a course of a day and i've been thinking of how to write is since April started , I can't collect my thoughts enough in one space today ;) There's so much I want to say about Logan and autism but if you know us and or you met him then you know, you understand, if you are a parent, relative or friend of  a family of someone with autism or just know someone with autism in their life, then you understand.

Happy birthday butterfly

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SWEET baby butterfly girl. I can't believe you are 9 !!!

I hope you enjoyed your surprise slumber party and your new room.

You are the kindest sweetest compassionate girl I know. Your love for your family, friends and God and you amazes me everyday.

Hard to let that light shine sometimes........

So over the last few days a so called friend of Ava's has turned on her. 

I don't know if it's because the girl is jealous of another friendship Ava is involved with or what but some pretty ugly things have been said to Ava.

Now we all know how girls can be, and this is what I hate about girls !!!

I told Ava late last week when this started to turn the other cheek, that person is going to say what they are going to say, nothing she can do about it. Jealousy can be an ugly thing.

Today, Ava, Logan and a few other girls were playing in our backyard. When everyone went home, Logan let is slip they formed a club against this girl who has turned into a " mean girl " Ava shouts  " LOGAN! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL " and of course nothing can be easy on my Saturday , right ? lol

I sat the kids down and I told them that this is NOT a wise choice and I know they don't like what is being said to them and about them BUT IT IS THEIR job TO NOT conjole  or plot against this girl. Logan states they are doing it to protect themselves, they are standing up for themselves.


I explained the best way to do that is to pray for this girl who obviously is lacking something in her family life to where her lying is tolerated ( her mother has told me herself the girl lied so much in their old neighborhood everyone stopped paying attention to her)  and this behavior is deemed okay. The other course of action when they come across her and she starts talking smack is to ignore her and walk away.

I explained to Logan and Ava is they do ANYTHING ELSE then they are NO better than what she is doing to them. People are always watching to see when  a Christian will fail and mess up and since they are Christians they are held to a higher standard and as their parent I EXPECT them to have a better way of handling these situations.

I know parents don't want to think their kids do bad or unsavory things but guess what ? THEY DO, even mine but I have to step in and guide them in the right direction.

Needless to say I feel like saying a few words to this girl and her mother since we generously opened our home, had fed this girl when she has claimed she had no food at home, let her spend the night cause she doesn't want to be at home and this is how this child treats generosity?

But I have to keep in mind, she is just that, a child. PERIOD.

I hope Ava and Logan put to use what I have guided them with in this situation cause if I find out they have spoken to this girl in an ugly way, there will be some sore butts in the Foster house !

Point is, even at this age, treat people how you want to be treated, PERIOD

Parenting and snow days, they are both hard and will drive you insane !

Ugh

The kids track out just ended late last week but today is a snow day. The snow hasn't even started falling yet and it's almost 3pm. My work is closed today and tomorrow, NOT GOOD since I don't get paid when I don't work.

The kids have been pretty good except ....



AVA my flower.

Ava thinks I am so against her but I'm not. I just want her to have a better social understanding so she's not viewed as weird or odd like I was when I was her age cause it will stick til high school is over.

At times I think maybe I should be like some of these parents and NOT try and just let her find her way, but how can an 8 yr old find their way with no guidance ? Even then some parents aren't the best guides, heck some would say I'm not cause I am very strict and harsh with punishment at times.

Either way I want the snow to come so I can sit and watch and the kids will out and run around  cause that is the only way to get Logan out of the house right now is if we have snow falling.

I hope where ever you are, you are warm and safe.

La Hurley lo bañaron en el perfume

The title doesn't do this next story justice.

So yesterday, Ryan went hunting and the kids stayed with their grandparents all day and night so that left me ALL ALONE for a while ( insert smiley face )

Well the ONLY problem with this is that I don't sleep when Ryan's not in the house, I just cannot. So I did a lot of painting on our bedroom, did lots of laundry and cleaning til I passed out at 5:00 Am, YES 5:00 am and was woken up at 9:00 am or a little after, the kids were ready to come home.

I got the kids, did some errands and came home at about 11:00am.

We were home for about NOT EVEN 15 minutes and I start smelling this sweet smell. A few minutes later Hurley comes running down the stairs with a pink shirt wrapped around him in which I assuming Ava is trying to dress him for one reason or another. 30 seconds later here comes Ava trompin down the stairs chasing Hurley and shouting " Hold still, we have to do pictures ! "

The craziness has started. So Ava gets distracted by the tv and sits down and I keep smelling this sweet sickly smell. I looked at  Ava and asked " What is that ? "

Ava:  " I put perfume on Hurley, he's having portraits done. "
Me:   " Please don't do that, the WHOLE house smells now and Hurley just had a bath the other day ! "
Ava :  " well mom, you can't have pictures done if you don't smell nice !"


So all that before noon today !

So it's 9:30pm an guess who still smells like a Macy's perfume counter ? YES the DOG !

Over all we had a good day, just me and the kids, had to raise my voice once and one time had to pull the car over, put the flashers on and I didn't say a word to them until they told me they were ready to act like the children I know they can be.

Christmas was good, not as big as last year but Ryan and I decided we would do what's called second chance Santa, that end of January they could get the one thing they wanted that they didn't receive. Logan and Ava assured us everything they got was great, no need for anything else !

It's almost 10:00pm and I am exhausted from all the moving and cleaning, playing and errands today and I even cleaned out the family truckster and vacuumed it today !

I hope you all have a great week coming up, it's a short work week for me !!!!