Are you as jerky as your kid ?

It's been a long time since I've blogged.

I am not feeling particularly friendly these days,  I pretty much given up hope on the human race and my children's generation of miscreant heathens.

Trying to raise children with Christian morals and values in this day in age, you might as well put a HUGE BULLS EYE target on their backs.


Logan has made it no secret how we feel and believe on the subject on transgender and homosexuality at school and this of course has made him a target of the most cruel treatment. Logan will still treat people with respect and be friends with anyone because it's not our place to judge, we are simply following the word of God.


Funny to me how these little girls that Ava has been friends with since kindergarten are now magically lesbians over the summer. Could this stem from things going on their home lives ? Can it be they can't be accepted any other way except the fact that other feel they have to accept them if they say they are gay or be called bigots ?

Ava has a harder time showing her armor, she understands the social repercussions of going against the grain even though her beliefs do not reflect theirs.



I asked Ava so you're telling me your friend has had sex with a boy and a girl and this is how they know ? Ava replies, NO! Me, then your friend doesn't know anything about their sexuality unless someone is feeding it to them and brainwashing them or because it's cool to be gay right now.



Logan and Ava's generation, what's wrong with them ? Kindness outdated ? rules and moral code do not apply, self entitled brats who think they are better than everyone else and NO rules apply because my mom says I'm special.

Are you not checking your kids cell phone texts ? I can tell you a lot about Ava's friends that their parents probably have no clue or they have stuck their heads in the sand.

I check their phones every night and yes I've had to have many conversations with Ava about things that are being said and perceived.

I've also seen text of girls leading Logan on and being sexually explicit with him to the point of wanting to vomit that a 13 yr old girl would even say something that was said to him through text.

Every week we are presented with new bullying with Logan and yes OH and yes even kids from our church who are in Logan's class.


These are your children, they are a reflection of you, I think some parents are afraid to see the job they've done because it all points back to them and as always if I am not aware of something one of my kids has done or said please tell me, I would want to know.

Teach your children kindness, we are all allowed to have our beliefs without being bullied and tortured. teach your kids to be strong and stand up for themselves and others.

 I love everyone but I will not cave to what is not right just because someone will call me a bigot.  My actions speak louder than words.

Another birthday has come and gone and what we are learning

So Ava's 11th  birthday was a few months ago ( sorry for the delay on a new blog ).

Ava's party was fun as always and her and her friends had a great time.

Over the last few months I've noticed changes happening within Ava and her friends.


I see that Ava is learning to say NO to be manipulated by certain friends and asserting herself more which I applaud her, I am appalled at home some people don't see the way their kids really are and yes I know Ava is NOT perfect, I know she has said and done things but we address them head on and use them as a way to guide her.

I've noticed within Ava to want to break free from being a little girl NOT completely , she still wants to dissolve chalk and use it as play make up so it gets in her air and in her ears but then she will turn around after she washes it all off and will state and try to will me that she can wear this top with those tights or pants even though it looks hideous together but you know, look hideous if you want child. I will choose my battles at this point.


Ava can handle herself online well and yes to answer this for other parents, I SEE every word she and your children types to her , even in her games she plays ( when I am sitting next to her, or I log in to check her chats for the week ) and I hold her accountable for the way she behaves even when others are trying to lead her astray from what she knows is right and wrong.

I've caught a lot of interesting conversations through animal jam and Facebook messenger (* yes my kids have Face book with the sole purpose from when our friend was missioning around the world they could speak with her at anytime and for  playing games ) but again I check every few days on posts and conversations.

Sad thing is, I think if I showed some of these other parents what their kids have said when they don't think an adult is seeing they wouldn't care or they would deflect or deny their precious baby didn't say those things but I have it all saved ....... incase ............


The physical change with Ava has been mind blowing as well, she is no longer  a little girl in the bodily sense, it's crazy to think in  6 yrs she will be dating !

Ava and her bestie will be performing in the school talent show doing  a singing number this coming Friday ~! Lots of things happening and changing.


My main goal for Ava right now is for her to remain strong in who she is, don't let ANYONE manipulate her, even if it means losing the manipulator as a friend. For her to control her mouth ( yes she comes by this honestly from me ) and when it's best to keep quiet and just let people ruin themselves because eventually people will turn and walk away from those who tend to do others harm.

Above all, even if someone has been unkind to her, she need to be kind, she needs to weather the storm to come out the other side of the rainbow.

Ava you can fly as long as you give up things and those who weigh you down.

So it begins .........................

Ava is on the threshold  of turning 11, if you can believe that !

Today when she got home she informed us two of her classmates were making fun of her because she wore a sweater dress and jeans underneath it. Now the sweater is a little long but I don't consider it  a dress but I don't know much about fashion.

The two girls also were picking on her saying " Are you really going to wear that to middle school ? that kinda of outfit and that silly zebra coat ?  "

I asked Ava what was her reply, Ava said she said " no " just to make them be quiet.

OH and also her boots didn't mean anything because they didn't say  Uggs on them.

I hugged Ava and told her " You looked great today ! I wish I had such sassy clothes like that and you have your own style and what is more important than how we look ? "

Ava - " what's inside "

Me -  That's right and today those girls had an ugliness in them and one day someone is going to do it to them  BUT I expect you to do the right thing.



I know Ava isn't perfect but she knows that teasing someone because of clothes is a horrible thing to do. WE CHOOSE NOT to buy over priced boots and clothes, THERE IS NO POINT to it  but my kids look pretty dang good when they leave the house.

Building your child's armor and their ability to withstand others cruelty  is the MOST important thing you can do to get them ready for the onslaught of middle school and high school.

Parents YOU NEED to see and KNOW how your child behaves when YOU are not around. I guess the one thing that keeps Ava in check is that she has a shadow and that shadow is  a 6yr old neighbor girl who  LOVES , LOVES Ava and looks up to Ava ( and of course the man upstairs ) and wants to be like her so much. I get a lot of compliments from other parents in our neighborhood about how Ava is so gentle and kind with the littler kids but we don't raise her to be kind for compliments, we raise her to be kind because it's the human thing to do.

And if YOU see Ava behaving in a way that is wrong, I would appreciate knowing so I can address it and she can learn a lesson from her behavior. I have caught her once or twice being snide or not so nice with some and she made her shadow cry once  and I called the the girl  and Ava over  and explained to  Ava how to explain to the child that she needed a break but would be out to play later and the funny thing is 6 months later this same girl who is Ava's shadow said the same thing to another neighborhood child, " I need a short break for a few minutes to rest, I will be back out later "chain reaction of having better communication.


We can't be there every waking moment but I want to know her armor is strong to be able withstand these mean girls that are there now and the meaner they get when they get older


You can do this AVA !

I love you
I'm proud of you
Don't let them get to you, these moments won't matter in 20 yrs, the only thing that matters in 20 yrs are the friends who stuck by you and would tell these mean girls to get lost.

Growing up in so many ways..................

December 3rd Logan turned 12.  So hard to believe he is a tween now. I've been watching him closely for the last 4 months to see how he is changing not only physically but socially, mentally and spiritually.


Logan is turning into a pretty amazing person, now with that being said he having his moments of smart mouthiness but quick attitude change comes when the cell phone goes away and his gaming but overall he's a pretty great kid.


His grades are great, two had dropped to B's but back up to A's and his saxaphone  playing pretty great, his first concert was on his bday and they were amazing.


Socially well we are getting there, trying to teach him he just can't run up to anyone who he thinks is a friend and tell that person to tell a certain girl that he's in love with them without people looking at him like what in tarnation was that !

Logan is very VERY confident which is a good thing but can be a double edged sword at times, yes he has that confidence but wow we are teaching that in this day in age he needs to watch himself because everyone gets upset over the littlest of things, reign it in a bit lover boy !


Physically of course he's changing but he's still the bumbler and fumbler, just today he fell in the drive way and banged up his shins and arms by barely running, DRIVEWAY 1  -  LOGAN 0.


Spiritually this is the one area that I don't quite often worry about because there is something about him and the way he carries his spirituality.  A few weeks ago Logan came to me and stated he needed to talk to a guidance counselor about his friend  " John " I asked him why. Logan explained that some of the boys in his small group at his church were referring to his friend " John" as Waldo, the kid doing this rides " John's bus " and apparently a lot of the sixth graders are referring to " John " as Waldo and NOT in a nice way. ( didn't know about the last part of a lot of sixth graders being in on this til after our discussion and talking with another parent and their child )

I explained to Logan that the guidance counselor at school does need to be notified if it's happening at school but for church I would find out who we need to speak with to get this under control because that this kid is doing is not Christ like example BUT I also don't want Logan to become a target of these kids either.  So I found out who I need to speak with and all that jazz but I'm still proud of Logan for wanting the others to do the right thing.

I explained to the kids that just because you go to church doesn't mean anything, it's your actions and the things you say that matter and show people the love of Christ. I have failed in that area, we all have but I keep pushing and keep trying to show the kids that Love even in the sesspool place we call earth, Love is the key.


Yesterday one of the most interesting things happened to where Logan was tested in his faith to his beliefs and I am quite proud of him.

I got him the new Captain Underpants book ( GAG ME ) for his birthday, I have always been like eew on this series, potty humor and the fact Logan wants to read it all the time instead of books that are above his capability was driving me crazy. So I gave him this book  Thursday. Yesterday afternoon he came to me looking all concerned and said " I don't think I can read this book anymore, something is wrong " I asked what was wrong with the book and he said there was a same sex couple in the book ( this is a child to tween cartoonish comic book ). There in black and white was this passage Uncle Harold and HIS HUSBAND and there was a picture of the two men together with their family.

I said  " Do you still want to read the book or series, you can it's up to you " Logan replied, " No, because it's wrong and I don't want to read it anymore "

I am so proud of Logan, he overcame his loving of this book series to stand by his principles and it wasn't that hard for him, it was just like a matter of fact and that was it so today we are going back to the book store and exchanging his book for another book.

Now think what you want, we know gay families and my children understand we still love them, we don't judge them, we just don't agree with that lifestyle and that IS OKAY and I teach my children it is okay to have a different view and NOT to be brainwashed by their school or society that will tell them they are wrong.



Logan's birthday weekend is at a close and it's been a wonderful weekend filled with  friends  and family and the people who love him dearly. Logan understands how truly blessed he is to have people who love him.  We exchanged his book and had his favorite pizza place and now we are just relaxing.

Hey Logan, your armor is showing ......................

I have to say middle school transition has been great for Logan, a few things here and there that are to be expected with middle schoolers  but I am really proud of of Logan. Saxaphone playing sounds soooo goood and soothing!

For health class Logan had to bring a box of 8 things that represent who he is, items  he took

1. A chess piece

2. A gaming controller

3. A sheet of music

4. Pictures of Ava

5. Pictures of our family

6. A guitar pick

7.  A book

8. His special bible that Rachel gave him last year.


Now Logan said he was nervous about taking the bible, I told him it was up to him, he needs to do what he feels he's led too.


Later that day when I came home, I said how did your presentation go ? He said it went great, he told me what he said on every object he took, I said what did you say about your  Bible and did anyone react negatively ?

Logan said " I told them this Bible is my most treasured possession and it shows everyone who I am and it was given to me by my very special Friend Rachel who came home from Africa. "

I hugged him so tight and I whispered " Your light is shining "

So he also told me about a boy who he has known since  kindergarten was harassing  him because he brought his bible, the kid stated " YOU can't bring that to school, you can't even take it to McDonald's "

 I told Logan, sometimes people, even children can have black hearts for whatever reason, what did you say to him ? Logan said he ignored him because he knows the law and he follows his heart.


A few days after Logan shared his box, a kid came up to Logan and said he was watching him during his presentation and invited him to join the FCA ( fellowship of Christian Athletes ) at the school, Logan said I hate sports,  ( LOL ) they kid explained what they do to Logan, Logan came home and announced he was no longer doing  coding club  because FCA was more important and I am so proud of this because he WILL have A support system in school with kids who have the same belief as he does, it's comforting.

I'm glad we are constantly talking to the children about ways others especially kids their age can really do damage to their belief system because they want to fit in and we are constantly reinforcing what it means to be a christian, to NOT let society tell us what laws we have to obey if we don't believe in something, TO NOT be forced to, we don't answer to man, we answer to our creator.

Build that armor now so they know how to stand up for their  beliefs and themselves

A Hard Season

March 28th 9 yrs ago..................

                                                                 

You're thinking March 28th 2006  ? hmmmm it sounds so familiar and so long ago.

It was Ava's first birthday when we got that fateful call that morning to bring Logan to testing.

I already knew in my heart for months  what the answer was going to be.


They were gone for hours, Logan and Ryan but I knew when they returned, my husband's face when he had left was happy and maybe a little apprehensive  had changed to a face of worry, anxiety and fear and pain, the death of our first child, well the child we had known for 2 yrs and now on our sweet girl's first birthday sorrow had taken over.........



But for those who know us, we don't allow Logan's D day ( diagnoses day  ) Overshadow Ava's birthdays, it's her day to feel super amazing.


It was a conscience decision we had to make, Ava was not at fault of it happening that day, her day.

I remember Logan coming thru the door and smiling and running to his grandmother and to his sister, happy as always.

When Ryan told me they confirmed it, I cried, not my baby even though I had known in my heart for months.

So many fears of OMG he's NOT NORMAL, he's going to be the weird kid like I was !! He won't have any friends, what are we going to do  ???

How will Ava turn out having a brother who's so different and what about her?  Will she have it ?



We all handled it in our own ways but after a few months we were on the same page as far as discipline continuing and loving Ava and Logan the same and we would not treat him as a disability.


It was such hard work and Ava right by her brother's side NEVER letting him retreat to the solidarity cage inside himself.

Days and years of therapy, and IEP's have paid off.

I remember once Logan came home in first grade and told me he didn't like having autism, it was frustrating to him.

YES Logan has always known he's autistic, why hide it ?

BUT now he understands that some of how he is so academically gifted and gifted in other areas is because of his autism.

A few months ago we explained to Logan when we found out and how he was diagnosed on Ava's first birthday and this really upset him and his response was " Ava, I'm sorry I ruined your first birthday."

We sat down and had a long talk and I assured him he didn't ruin her birthday, it's just another interesting story we have for our life.

BUT the most important thing to take away from this blog is our marriage

The divorce rate among parents with children with special needs is Soooooooooooooooo high it's between 80 and 90 percent.

THE ONE thing that sticks out about that day the most is this interaction between Ryan and I later that night

ME " it took so long, why did it take you guys so long to get home ?"  ( from his testing )
Ryan " I took the long way home to give you 20 more minutes of the life you knew before it changed"

That my friends is what I remember most about that day, my husband taking that time to think of me and what this was going to do to me and our life as a family and I am forever grateful for Ryan for loving me enough for thinking of me in those moments when his heart was breaking.



I love you Ryan

Change the world............

Logan had to write a paper for class on he is going to change the world  and here it is.








                                                                      

                                                          Change the world !

Many people don't know the cause of autism. It's very stressful for parents because it could be hard to raise a kid who doesn't want to be touched, hugged or kissed. Researchers are trying their hardest to find out what causes autism,but they have had no such luck yet.

Luckily, there are very few kids  ( like me ) with autism who want to help. So I want to start an organization that donates money to researchers who try to figure out the cause of autism.

People will run anywhere in the world and for every mile they run, $100.00 are donated to researchers.

Together, we can change the world by figuring out the cause of autism !

Logan Foster

Early morning revelation ..............

                                                                           

  This morning while I was re organizing Ava's room at 6:30am I started to think of my family, like my mom, my dad and my siblings.

Now for those of you who grew up with me, you know how odd my family can be, say what you want when you want, NO MATTER how it makes you look and I grew up in that environment so to me it was normal until I got older and away from that environment that I learned when to pull back and NOT  express my opinion on every matter or situation ( thank you in part to Ryan for helping me with that )

So a lot of times I struggle with the way my family is , emotionally stunted, the I'm gonna say what I want no matter what in your face attitude. I remember when they came to visit a few yrs ago and my dad especially would talk to my neighbors, I wouldn't be right up close to the situation but I could see my neighbors face during the conversation, that look people get when they are thinking, " ooooooooooooooh okay what kind of drugs is this person taking "

People who have met my parents then know  me now and even people who knew me growing up always state /" WOW you are nothing like your family "

NOW please don't think this is a blog about bashing my parents or family because it is NOT. 

Here is the revelation, some of you may know this story, heck some of you might have been in my class when I did this.

When I was in the 7th grade  We are the world  was the MAJOR thing, and people were giving money and oh save those kids help help help. 

NOW, all my life growing up I've heard " They shouldn't have so many kids , they can't feed them and they are dying, or They should move and try to farm somewhere else. WE SHOULD HELP AMERICANS ONLY, we have are own problems here

So one day in history class in 7th grade, the teacher had some kids debate on the we are the world subject.  So first up is the miss popular girl and she lists all the reasons we should help and heck  Michael Jackson told us to so we have to.  When the teacher asked for a rebuttal NO ONE said anything or stood up. I must've made a face or rolled my eyes during the girls speech because the teacher says " Cija, you feel a different way ?" I didn't say anything. My teacher encouraged me to go to the podium if I had a different view. 

I tell you I was scared, so scared because I was already the weird girl with the weird name, dressed funny, you name it !

And this is what I said "

Are you kidding me ? " Mary, weren't you and your little gang of friends just making fun of " Suzy " at lunch because her family is poor, her clothes have holes in them and she has a brown paper bagged lunch with two things to eat in it ? WE SHOULD HELP AMERICANS ONLY ! "

YOU want to help a country that will NEVER be out of that situation but yet you make Suzy feel bad because her parents don't have money, you're a bad person period ."

I went back to my seat and sat down.  The room was so quiet , I think everyone was stunned , even the teacher was stunned. YOU might be a  little stunned at reading  of what I had said because you have never heard me say such a thing.

So today as I sat in Ava's floor, I prayed " God, please show me why, why why did I Have these loud opinionated obnoxious parents that I feel no connection too. I love them but please give me an answer"

Then it hit me like a  ton of bricks " I made them like this to teach you to be strong in your beliefs so you could teach your children to be strong in their beliefs.

Deciding to follow Jesus and have the kids to follow has been the most rewarding thing in my life, I see Logan and Ava standing up for their God and NOT waivering  in their beliefs.

Logan's homework last week, there was a question dealing with muslims and the Koran. I crossed it out. Logan asked me why and I explained to him why. About 10 minutes later I walked back into the room to make sure he packed up his homework and I saw he wrote next to that question I marked out " I cannot answer this question based on my beliefs."

My 11 yr old is standing up for his beliefs and his GOD and against the liberal mind set of public school already !

At the bus stop he said " the teacher is going to mark it wrong, I said Logan who in the end do you answer to ?  "

Logan " God "

Me " okay, so I really don't care if you get it wrong, there will be times in your life where people will mock you, make fun of you, want to hurt you, shun you because of your beliefs Logan but stay true to what you know and the reward in the end is sooo much better than it is here"

I have a lot of issues with my parents, things that have been done and said and still said but I do love them for giving me that part of me to stand up for what I believe in but Now I just do it in a more grown up mature way

So yes now I give, we are supportive of missionaries who travel the world, we give to our church to help those who cannot help themselves.

And yes helping those in Africa IS VERY VERY VERY important, point is, I know that now with the help of Christ.

I have changed a lot over the last 15 yrs but I still have that fire that I will defend what I believe in and that comes from having loud obnoxious opinionated parents and there is my connection ;)

Maybe it worked a little to well ?

Many of you know that Logan and Ava from the time they were young have not been able to view whatever they please as most kids have.

So movies like Transformers, things like that were not on the map, anything violent and or any movie over sexed, trying to keep their minds from being corrupted anymore than need be at a young age.

Now over the last few years we have been trying to slowly  introducing themes and movies to them that we feel they might can handle now and we're seeing how maybe we were wrong in this idea we had.

Logan really has no issues, his brain is wired very different. Ava , OH MY GOD, this child is an absolute train wreck if she sees something frightening or scary. I am talking shaking, screaming, melt down mode.

Ava DOES NOT like being alone at all. She hates the dark which started last year for NO reason.


By her age I had seen Jaws, Alien and so on. Not the best movies for little kids to see but Ava is almost 10 so we decided to maybe start  to desensitize  her a bit. NO GO. I wanted her to be protected from seeing violence and things children SHOULDN'T see, PERIOD but now we are at the other end of the spectrum and I have no clue how to calm her, she knows it's not real but it doesn't help




Movies we've tried

Jaws -  they were fine with the naked chick swimming being eaten BUT OMG the boy on the yellow raft getting eaten, they both screamed and cried

Sleepy hollow,  Logan was fine, Ava was fine til the real first seen of head lopping then screaming ensued with shaking


Maximum Overdrive : I mean the special effects in the 80's weren't great. Kids thought the beginning was great because it was filmed in Wilmington NC and they have been over the bridge in the beginning BUT the scene where the turkey slicer cuts the waitresses arm and blood comes out, Ava again starts to scream and shake and saying STOP IT

Alien ( last night ) Everything was fine until that icon dinner scene where the alien makes his little debut out of Kane's stomach, OH BOY.


You might think we are bad parents for this but something's got to give, At least my kids haven't seen these movies and worse by the time they were 8 and 9 like a lot of their classmates and neighbors have.


I am happy to a point where she is not desensitized but it's getting a little aggravating

Any ideas ?

Picture above reflects the next 10 yrs of her life where My little pony, spongebob and and that stuff will continue to  deflect all that fear

A pat on the back .............

So Logan has returned to Adams ( his old school ) The new charter school was not a good fit for him for many reasons. He got the rock star treatment the day of his return

So immediatly upon his return the therapist said " IEP meeting this week ! "


I was a little perturbed going into the meeting since the day before I had found out Logan failed his VERY FIRST TEST EVER because he forgot to study but his teacher just blew it off in a kind way stating , he has a lot of catching up to do and not to worry or to punish him ( have I told you all how much Logan is loved )

Logan in 4 days of being back at his old school has learned all the math they have learned since going back to school on July 28th, yeah his teacher is pretty impressed.


So we get to the heart of the meeting and now they are saying Logan will be let go from the program and of course I am NOT trying to hear any of this, I am coming up with all kinds of quirks that have appeared, his motor skills have been lacking ( that doesnt count as anything because it doesn't effect his academics ). I said " Well I will have to tell Logan to get some new bad  habits ;).  The three therapist and his current teacher laughed and said " NO NO NO, he will be fine. "  I told them I didn't want him released til end of the year, I am terrified of what middle school will bring. They all four assured me Logan is confident , capable and it pretty amazing and will have no problems BUT what they will do is fill out paper work so that Logan can still go once a week and be a mentor for the other kids, which is basically what he's doing now.

One of the therapist said " Mom, you guys did great on early intervention, pat yourself on the back, most people would LOVE to have their kids at this point "

I responded " I can't , because my job isn't done. Yeah he's a great kid, he's super smart, we are getting their socially but I still have to have my guard up, I have to be ready for any change in anyway."

I am proud that Ryan and I worked ourselves exhausted when he was younger to get him to this point, I still feel like my job isn't done til I die.


I don't think any parent ever rest easy til their kids are like 30, right ?


Am I to hard on myself  ? Why can't I relax in my parenting ?

Doing what comes naturally.............

Over the last month has been interesting.

Back in July Logan told us he was tired of going to church ( he's been going since he was 5 months old ). So we took a 2 week break from going but I listened to the pod cast and did some reading so I was good, Ava NOT HAPPY about not going.


So finally after two week, I asked Logan if he would rather come into the service with the adults with the understanding that HE had TO SIT STILL, no noises, so on and so on. So Logan joined Ryan and I in the auditorium.  When the music started (  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GczXqxSU6HA ) he put his hand into mine and into Ryan's and sang with us, he lifted his hand a little, my heart soared. 


I LOVE LOVE LOVE when he connects with God with us, it's very moving and spiritual to see my children worship and practice the word of God.

A few days after We laid in bed and had this really deep conversation about why do we have to fear God and sin. For example, I said if Bob steals a candy bar and Matthew kills someone, which do you think is worse  ?

Logan and Ava responded , ' KILLING ! "

I replied, " NO, it's not worse in God's eyes. Sin is sin, there is no sin that is worse than the other , NOW Man's law there are different degrees of awfulness for crimes "

I am glad Logan sat with us that day because the series we are in is all about busyness and why we don't hear God when we demand he listen and do what we want. So  Logan can understand that quiet time without distractions needs to start being practiced now. I don't feel like I hear God very much but I can never turn my brain off from worries and stress but there are times when I feel the calmness come over me and I know instantly.




Practicing what we preach and what we know :

I have told the kids that since you are  Christians, people will always watch to see if YOU mess up, say something, do something or not  do something cause of your faith. I have always reminded them that they are not perfect but PEOPLE will love to throw things into their face.

Three examples of living out what they learn and NOT being afraid to be stared at or challenged in their faith.


Last week the kids and I attended a neighbors birthday party at the pool. Everyone was getting their food and sitting down. Ava got her food and was sitting down, I was behind snapping photos. I looked down and saw Ava with her hands together and she went to bring them up but then stopped, I leaned down and whispered " it's okay " I kept my hand on hers and she prayed, then I kissed her on the top of her head. Some of the kids were staring but it's okay we don't mind !



At the beginning of the week Logan came home and said  " I asked my teacher if I could bring my bible to read"

Me " what did she say ? "
Logan " One rule,.... Don't loose it ! "

Yesterday when Logan gets home, he says mom " I'm  not allowed to talk to others about God at school. My new friend in my class asked what the Bible was cause I had it out reading it. I started to tell him about God and the teacher said I couldn't "

I smiled really big and gave him a hug.

Me " Logan you cannot teach others about God at school in that way but you can show them  by being kind, caring, loving, you can shine that light that you have so people see it."

Logan  " I'm going to make a guideline for being  a Christian, the steps you have to follow for my friend and give it to him. "

Me : "  Let  me check with the teacher first please "

Logan " She said I couldn't teach it BUT it DOESN'T mean I can't write it down and give it to him ! "
Ryan and I died laughing, clever boy !

Are my kids perfect, NOPE, but they understand deeply what it means to love and share their light with the people around them and Yes I am a very proud Momma of them ;)






NOTE : The picture at the top of the blog is my work, if you want to use it , please ask ;)

Year of the Monkey ......................

My Monkey Ava will begin the 4th grade on Monday.

This track out /summer feels like it went by way to fast. She is changing in so many ways, her body, her mind and yes even the mouth ( gee I wonder where she gets it from )

It has been hard this last week to watch her and Logan deal with the separation , crying and clinging and them stating " WE HAVE TO SPEND every waking moment together " 

I have found them sleeping together, arms around each other and snuggled, you might think it's weird or strange because of their ages and maybe it is but to see the way they love each other comforts me.

School supplies are purchased, clothes and sneakers  can wait another week since the weather shows no signs of cooling to much.

I pray this year that Ava can focus more. I know she will spread her wings and fly this year  and maybe no phone calls from the office ;))

one can hope right  ;)

New Beginnings

A new charter school has opened up about 4 minutes from the house. I put an application in for Ava and Logan.

Logan got accepted, Ava is # 80 on the waiting list for 4th grade. I think Logan got in because most parents don't want their kids starting a new school in the 5th grade but this school will eventually go all the way thru high school.


Ava will restart school July28th and Logan will begin Aug 20th, so he will have almost a month home alone. I am not worried about if he will have friends there, A lot of his friends from his old school will also be attending this new school.

A lot of people have been negative about the charter schools, well phooey on you  !

My child has a chance at something greater, don't get me wrong with LOVE LOVE ADAMS and all the teachers the kids have had and even the ones they haven't had that we are friends with but this learning will be designed for each child specifically and I feel Logan will greatly benefit from this since he seems to be ahead of the curve.

We have talked to Logan about the expectations, the uniform, keeping it neat, keeping shirt tucked in, wearing the same thing every day ( yay ! saves money for me ! ) the expectations the school puts on him and us as a parents, there is MORE ACCOUNTABILITY.

I also advised Logan that at any moment I can see what assignments have  been turned in and which ones haven't, I don't think he liked that too much but I will love being able to see that online whenever I want.

There are also clubs and maybe even a guitar club starting !

Also the fact that this year he can start learning a foreign language, I have advised him Spanish first then once he masters that he can choose the next language, in turn Logan says " Why do I have to learn Spanish, I am American,"

I replied,  " the more languages you know, the more money you make "

The deal on that has been sealed on that !

Ava will fight me tooth and nail if and when the time comes for her to move over, my social butterfly.

I advised her that even though she loves her friends and I love her friends, a good handful of people she knows will also be attending and her friends won't pay the bills when she's older , a good education will and we as a family will take that path.



NOW with that being said, if the Charter school doesn't work out, Logan is more than welcomed back to his old school, Ryan could tell when he was speaking to his old school, they didn't want him to leave but they understood why.

I already feel the guilt of Logan leaving some of his friends, I've gotten the emails and messages but we have to do what we feel is best for our kids but there are always weekends and holiday breaks for get togethers !

I just feel in my heart that we are being led to this place, as a good friend Audrey told me " God wants him at Cardinal" and I truly believe this and Ava will follow next year.


So just keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we make this transition, one in year round and one in traditional is SURELY GOING TO BE INTERESTING !!!

Is there a Dr. in the house ?

             

So every few weeks I go to Logan's computer and check the history to make sure they are NOT viewing anything that they shouldn't.

So I come across where someone had viewed a knee replacement surgery and I just shake my head.

Our morning conversation while snuggling in bed

ME : Logan did you watch a video on knee replacement surgery  ? "

Logan, " Yes but almost through the 2nd video I had to turn it off, it was gross "

LOL

Logan loved the idea of all the tools and the mechanics of surgery, he said he wants to be a surgeon and surgeons need good math skills and he says " Well I am awesome at math "

Surgeon ?

Hmmmm, does Logan have the capability of that human connection if he ever had to tell someone a surgery went wrong or their loved one died on the table ?

You might think wow what a horrible way to think, but it's true. I think Logan has enough empathy but then again he watched a video of a child born with almost no face and said it was disgusting and YES we had a talk about that as well and Logan did show remorse and I reminded him that even if he thinks something, it's NOT always nice to post it  or say it out loud, I asked him " Does God make mistakes ? "  He stood and thought for a moment, well a little ? "

I said " What if someone said YOU were a mistake because of your autism, do you think God make you as a mistake ? "

Logan " A little maybe "

I called him over and hugged him close and whispered " YOU and NO ONE else are mistakes. You are perfectly and wonderfully made and you know this."

I gave him a big squeeze and then he announced he was awesome and ran off to play while running on this tippy toes !


So it's been a week since I started this blog and I have had the privilege of being Logan's surgical assistant as he did liposuction on his lamb. Logan's room looks like an operating room right now as well.

This could be just another wonderful obsession to where his gains a lot of knowledge about surgery and knee replacements or it could stay with him but he's only 10 so I will manage my expectations....

For now ;)

Ava the BEE Stalker !

So Ava LOVES to catch bees.

Bees you say ?

YES, BEES.

Back in first grade she caught one and tried to make friends with it and yes she got stung. After this incident Logan made Bee warning signs and put them on the playground to warn others of the killer bees and he cried that Ava got stung and ever since then he is TERRIFIED of bees.

Terrified to the point if a bee  was in the yard, he would holler or cry because he didn't want to come into the yard for fear of being stung. Well fast forward 2 yrs and yes Logan is still terrified and Ava is still trying to catch bees.

This is Ryan and I's conversation thru FB chat last night when I was at work

well ava just got stung again

by a dead bumblebee

Lol

Did she cry

well heck yea she did lol

she was screaming

I did the baking soda and vinegar cure

and some ice water

't swell up like rupert

she got this terrified look on her face

and whimpered lol

hopefully lesson learned this time

What did.Logan do

well they were doing an experiment, they'd found the one dead bee and dissected it and found the venom

so they were going to collect alot of bees and alot of venom and see how it reacted to blood from a scab

so logan was basically cheering her on to find more bees

And this is a typical night in our house !

Autism ..........

How to start this blog ?

what do YOU think autism is ? Before you knew my son or any other child with autism , how did you define autism or did you know what is was or did you refer to the movie Rain Man with Dustin Hoffman.

Don't feel bad, after Logan's diagnoses at 2, we thought oh my he will have no life, he will be like Rain man because we had NO other examples of what autism was.

Things that annoy me

NO my son cannot do  tricks like Rainman when it comes to dropping toothpicks

Well NO of course you can't tell he has autism just by looking at him, he's NOT deformed

Wow I bet he gets all kinds of therapy for free.

So he doesn't like to be touched  ?

Wow he speaks ?

Aren't you mad at God for doing this to your son ?

The Worst and I MEAN WORST thing people do when they find out Logan is autistic is they give that look of pity at me. I really just want to laugh in their face when they do that. At times I would even tell someone please don't look at me that way, it's not a death sentence.

seriously though, it was almost like a death when we got the diagnoses, the child we thought we had was gone, our image of what we wanted for Logan had died and now we had this child who would in turn have his days filled with therapy, constant learning , rages and melt downs.

But we found new life within Logan's autism. So much more than I could've imagined and I know he's only 10 yrs old but I'm pretty proud of him, our proud of our family. I have to say i'm especially proud of Ava.

Ava has had to experience a lot thru Logan's autism and i'm sure it was frightening at times, lonely and also wonderful. She has a brother who loves her dearly, they protect one another. Ava is pretty much always aware when she needs to include her brother along. There are times she gets upset because Logan seems to be perfect at everything he does. The other day I told Ava you know NOT to ask people if they are poor or rich to not offend, your brother doesn't. You have no trouble making friends as to where your brother does and your heart,love and compassion is a real God given gift that cannot be taught. 

I have met  some really wonderful Amazing people that if Logan didn't have autism our family might have never known them.  For one, Rachel, who was Logan's shadow at church for years thru the special needs buddy program at church. I can't even imagine her not being in our life, even though she lives in Africa now, her presence is always felt with Logan. She is someone I look up to everyday to try and be better in life.

Judie Mark and M, even though Ava and M have been in the same class pretty much their whole school life, Maybe I wouldn't be as close to them if it wasn't for autism.  It's awesome to sit with another mom and not have to stop to apologize to the other mom for what your kid has asked or said or to stop your conversation to explain something.  I treasure our time together,  I love how Logan and M and Ava play together even though they aren't exactly playing together. I love how Logan and M autism is very different from one another, they can have friction against each other during play but then high five each other because they have autism and they get to go first at the Easter egg hunt. I truly love this family and they are great friends.

Or Dj at my church who is autistic , the gentle giant who runs a business for his art work. He's an amazing person who does speaking engagements, I'm even jealous that he has met Temple Grandin several times !

http://myimagiville.com/

I've met so many awesome people thru autism and then of course the other side, the bullying, the weird looks. It has happened several times over the last few years but the school they attend is on it the moment I notify them. The middle school years approaching and it will only get worse, I hope it won't but middle school was hell, I hated every day of it.

Have I ever been or am I mad at God for Logan's autism ?

In the beginning I felt like maybe I was being punished, why us ? we did everything right, we got married before we had kids, had been married a long time before having kids, I stayed home with him, ate right while pregnant and exercised but mad ?   NO.

God has created some of the most intriguing and unique things on our planet and I think this includes those who are not " neurotypical " I think God has a sense of humor, I think he understands the pain and heartache we have felt at times with the autism but then there's that light that shines thru in Logan and I know he has BiG plans for him.

A month ago at Logan's 2nd guitar lesson, he asked his instructor if he could play something, my son sat there and played Bach in minut G, brought tears to my eyes and I was breathless, I had NO idea he could do that but he did.

I have a child with autism that doubts me a lot in what I say because he knows he is smarter than me, it's okay, he is. 

I have a child with autism who has a heart of gold even though he might ask offensive questions like are you poor  cause you live here or are you rich cause you travel, or WOW you are fat while pointing at someones stomach.

I have  a child with autism that has a sense of humor that is emerging and is trying to learn to laugh at himself and NOT be so serious.

I have a child with autism who can hear music once or twice and turn around and play it on a keyboard or guitar.

I have a child that can make a Mayan math chart  that could stump even the smartest of math folks.

I have a child with autism who refuses to give up our morning snuggling ritual.

I have a child with autism who discussed with us his desire for all of us to be baptized.

I have a child with autism who is terrified of bees and will melt into  a puddle if he thinks one is near

I have a child with autism who has trouble getting conversations out without stumbling over words or has to have absolutely no one else talking when he wants to talk to me

I have a child with autism who played the birth of Christ and crucifixtion  with his friends on the playground at his public school

I have  a child with autism who is amazing, brilliant, loving, kind, who loves to be touched, held and times demands it.

I have a child with autism and I don't think vaccines were the cause ( yes it is true, I DON"T think that is the cause ) I think people want something or someone to  blame.

I am so thankful for Logan and everything he has taught me what it means to be his mother.

Speaking as a mother ............

Now when I lay awake at night there are no tears as I worry about will he live on his own ? hold down a job, or have a family of his own, years have passed since I've laid in the dark, tears never ending, it will be okay.

There are days when I am so frustrated at him, I say Logan did you brush your teeth ? His response, well you didn't tell me ? My response,well I don't tell you to breathe either , ya KINDA JUST DO IT !  NOW, brush your teeth dragon breath !

As a mother I feel like I haven't pushed Logan hard enough with his conversation abilities but I pushed so hard in the beginning and honestly I get tired of pushing and pushing. There are times I just throw my hands up and say Lord, please let common sense fall into his  head ( especially Ava's ) I can;t do this anymore without going crazy.

I know I'm doing plenty wrong, I just hope the good out weighs the bad in the end. I know we are blessed that Logan is high functioning compared to what some families go thru but we have to remember they all have a light that needs to shine, just let it shine.

This blog is all over the place, done over a course of a day and i've been thinking of how to write is since April started , I can't collect my thoughts enough in one space today ;) There's so much I want to say about Logan and autism but if you know us and or you met him then you know, you understand, if you are a parent, relative or friend of  a family of someone with autism or just know someone with autism in their life, then you understand.