Autism ..........

How to start this blog ?

what do YOU think autism is ? Before you knew my son or any other child with autism , how did you define autism or did you know what is was or did you refer to the movie Rain Man with Dustin Hoffman.

Don't feel bad, after Logan's diagnoses at 2, we thought oh my he will have no life, he will be like Rain man because we had NO other examples of what autism was.

Things that annoy me

NO my son cannot do  tricks like Rainman when it comes to dropping toothpicks

Well NO of course you can't tell he has autism just by looking at him, he's NOT deformed

Wow I bet he gets all kinds of therapy for free.

So he doesn't like to be touched  ?

Wow he speaks ?

Aren't you mad at God for doing this to your son ?

The Worst and I MEAN WORST thing people do when they find out Logan is autistic is they give that look of pity at me. I really just want to laugh in their face when they do that. At times I would even tell someone please don't look at me that way, it's not a death sentence.

seriously though, it was almost like a death when we got the diagnoses, the child we thought we had was gone, our image of what we wanted for Logan had died and now we had this child who would in turn have his days filled with therapy, constant learning , rages and melt downs.

But we found new life within Logan's autism. So much more than I could've imagined and I know he's only 10 yrs old but I'm pretty proud of him, our proud of our family. I have to say i'm especially proud of Ava.

Ava has had to experience a lot thru Logan's autism and i'm sure it was frightening at times, lonely and also wonderful. She has a brother who loves her dearly, they protect one another. Ava is pretty much always aware when she needs to include her brother along. There are times she gets upset because Logan seems to be perfect at everything he does. The other day I told Ava you know NOT to ask people if they are poor or rich to not offend, your brother doesn't. You have no trouble making friends as to where your brother does and your heart,love and compassion is a real God given gift that cannot be taught. 

I have met  some really wonderful Amazing people that if Logan didn't have autism our family might have never known them.  For one, Rachel, who was Logan's shadow at church for years thru the special needs buddy program at church. I can't even imagine her not being in our life, even though she lives in Africa now, her presence is always felt with Logan. She is someone I look up to everyday to try and be better in life.

Judie Mark and M, even though Ava and M have been in the same class pretty much their whole school life, Maybe I wouldn't be as close to them if it wasn't for autism.  It's awesome to sit with another mom and not have to stop to apologize to the other mom for what your kid has asked or said or to stop your conversation to explain something.  I treasure our time together,  I love how Logan and M and Ava play together even though they aren't exactly playing together. I love how Logan and M autism is very different from one another, they can have friction against each other during play but then high five each other because they have autism and they get to go first at the Easter egg hunt. I truly love this family and they are great friends.

Or Dj at my church who is autistic , the gentle giant who runs a business for his art work. He's an amazing person who does speaking engagements, I'm even jealous that he has met Temple Grandin several times !

http://myimagiville.com/

I've met so many awesome people thru autism and then of course the other side, the bullying, the weird looks. It has happened several times over the last few years but the school they attend is on it the moment I notify them. The middle school years approaching and it will only get worse, I hope it won't but middle school was hell, I hated every day of it.

Have I ever been or am I mad at God for Logan's autism ?

In the beginning I felt like maybe I was being punished, why us ? we did everything right, we got married before we had kids, had been married a long time before having kids, I stayed home with him, ate right while pregnant and exercised but mad ?   NO.

God has created some of the most intriguing and unique things on our planet and I think this includes those who are not " neurotypical " I think God has a sense of humor, I think he understands the pain and heartache we have felt at times with the autism but then there's that light that shines thru in Logan and I know he has BiG plans for him.

A month ago at Logan's 2nd guitar lesson, he asked his instructor if he could play something, my son sat there and played Bach in minut G, brought tears to my eyes and I was breathless, I had NO idea he could do that but he did.

I have a child with autism that doubts me a lot in what I say because he knows he is smarter than me, it's okay, he is. 

I have a child with autism who has a heart of gold even though he might ask offensive questions like are you poor  cause you live here or are you rich cause you travel, or WOW you are fat while pointing at someones stomach.

I have  a child with autism that has a sense of humor that is emerging and is trying to learn to laugh at himself and NOT be so serious.

I have a child with autism who can hear music once or twice and turn around and play it on a keyboard or guitar.

I have a child that can make a Mayan math chart  that could stump even the smartest of math folks.

I have a child with autism who refuses to give up our morning snuggling ritual.

I have a child with autism who discussed with us his desire for all of us to be baptized.

I have a child with autism who is terrified of bees and will melt into  a puddle if he thinks one is near

I have a child with autism who has trouble getting conversations out without stumbling over words or has to have absolutely no one else talking when he wants to talk to me

I have a child with autism who played the birth of Christ and crucifixtion  with his friends on the playground at his public school

I have  a child with autism who is amazing, brilliant, loving, kind, who loves to be touched, held and times demands it.

I have a child with autism and I don't think vaccines were the cause ( yes it is true, I DON"T think that is the cause ) I think people want something or someone to  blame.

I am so thankful for Logan and everything he has taught me what it means to be his mother.

Speaking as a mother ............

Now when I lay awake at night there are no tears as I worry about will he live on his own ? hold down a job, or have a family of his own, years have passed since I've laid in the dark, tears never ending, it will be okay.

There are days when I am so frustrated at him, I say Logan did you brush your teeth ? His response, well you didn't tell me ? My response,well I don't tell you to breathe either , ya KINDA JUST DO IT !  NOW, brush your teeth dragon breath !

As a mother I feel like I haven't pushed Logan hard enough with his conversation abilities but I pushed so hard in the beginning and honestly I get tired of pushing and pushing. There are times I just throw my hands up and say Lord, please let common sense fall into his  head ( especially Ava's ) I can;t do this anymore without going crazy.

I know I'm doing plenty wrong, I just hope the good out weighs the bad in the end. I know we are blessed that Logan is high functioning compared to what some families go thru but we have to remember they all have a light that needs to shine, just let it shine.

This blog is all over the place, done over a course of a day and i've been thinking of how to write is since April started , I can't collect my thoughts enough in one space today ;) There's so much I want to say about Logan and autism but if you know us and or you met him then you know, you understand, if you are a parent, relative or friend of  a family of someone with autism or just know someone with autism in their life, then you understand.

Happy birthday butterfly

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SWEET baby butterfly girl. I can't believe you are 9 !!!

I hope you enjoyed your surprise slumber party and your new room.

You are the kindest sweetest compassionate girl I know. Your love for your family, friends and God and you amazes me everyday.

Hard to let that light shine sometimes........

So over the last few days a so called friend of Ava's has turned on her. 

I don't know if it's because the girl is jealous of another friendship Ava is involved with or what but some pretty ugly things have been said to Ava.

Now we all know how girls can be, and this is what I hate about girls !!!

I told Ava late last week when this started to turn the other cheek, that person is going to say what they are going to say, nothing she can do about it. Jealousy can be an ugly thing.

Today, Ava, Logan and a few other girls were playing in our backyard. When everyone went home, Logan let is slip they formed a club against this girl who has turned into a " mean girl " Ava shouts  " LOGAN! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL " and of course nothing can be easy on my Saturday , right ? lol

I sat the kids down and I told them that this is NOT a wise choice and I know they don't like what is being said to them and about them BUT IT IS THEIR job TO NOT conjole  or plot against this girl. Logan states they are doing it to protect themselves, they are standing up for themselves.


I explained the best way to do that is to pray for this girl who obviously is lacking something in her family life to where her lying is tolerated ( her mother has told me herself the girl lied so much in their old neighborhood everyone stopped paying attention to her)  and this behavior is deemed okay. The other course of action when they come across her and she starts talking smack is to ignore her and walk away.

I explained to Logan and Ava is they do ANYTHING ELSE then they are NO better than what she is doing to them. People are always watching to see when  a Christian will fail and mess up and since they are Christians they are held to a higher standard and as their parent I EXPECT them to have a better way of handling these situations.

I know parents don't want to think their kids do bad or unsavory things but guess what ? THEY DO, even mine but I have to step in and guide them in the right direction.

Needless to say I feel like saying a few words to this girl and her mother since we generously opened our home, had fed this girl when she has claimed she had no food at home, let her spend the night cause she doesn't want to be at home and this is how this child treats generosity?

But I have to keep in mind, she is just that, a child. PERIOD.

I hope Ava and Logan put to use what I have guided them with in this situation cause if I find out they have spoken to this girl in an ugly way, there will be some sore butts in the Foster house !

Point is, even at this age, treat people how you want to be treated, PERIOD

Parenting and snow days, they are both hard and will drive you insane !

Ugh

The kids track out just ended late last week but today is a snow day. The snow hasn't even started falling yet and it's almost 3pm. My work is closed today and tomorrow, NOT GOOD since I don't get paid when I don't work.

The kids have been pretty good except ....



AVA my flower.

Ava thinks I am so against her but I'm not. I just want her to have a better social understanding so she's not viewed as weird or odd like I was when I was her age cause it will stick til high school is over.

At times I think maybe I should be like some of these parents and NOT try and just let her find her way, but how can an 8 yr old find their way with no guidance ? Even then some parents aren't the best guides, heck some would say I'm not cause I am very strict and harsh with punishment at times.

Either way I want the snow to come so I can sit and watch and the kids will out and run around  cause that is the only way to get Logan out of the house right now is if we have snow falling.

I hope where ever you are, you are warm and safe.

La Hurley lo bañaron en el perfume

The title doesn't do this next story justice.

So yesterday, Ryan went hunting and the kids stayed with their grandparents all day and night so that left me ALL ALONE for a while ( insert smiley face )

Well the ONLY problem with this is that I don't sleep when Ryan's not in the house, I just cannot. So I did a lot of painting on our bedroom, did lots of laundry and cleaning til I passed out at 5:00 Am, YES 5:00 am and was woken up at 9:00 am or a little after, the kids were ready to come home.

I got the kids, did some errands and came home at about 11:00am.

We were home for about NOT EVEN 15 minutes and I start smelling this sweet smell. A few minutes later Hurley comes running down the stairs with a pink shirt wrapped around him in which I assuming Ava is trying to dress him for one reason or another. 30 seconds later here comes Ava trompin down the stairs chasing Hurley and shouting " Hold still, we have to do pictures ! "

The craziness has started. So Ava gets distracted by the tv and sits down and I keep smelling this sweet sickly smell. I looked at  Ava and asked " What is that ? "

Ava:  " I put perfume on Hurley, he's having portraits done. "
Me:   " Please don't do that, the WHOLE house smells now and Hurley just had a bath the other day ! "
Ava :  " well mom, you can't have pictures done if you don't smell nice !"


So all that before noon today !

So it's 9:30pm an guess who still smells like a Macy's perfume counter ? YES the DOG !

Over all we had a good day, just me and the kids, had to raise my voice once and one time had to pull the car over, put the flashers on and I didn't say a word to them until they told me they were ready to act like the children I know they can be.

Christmas was good, not as big as last year but Ryan and I decided we would do what's called second chance Santa, that end of January they could get the one thing they wanted that they didn't receive. Logan and Ava assured us everything they got was great, no need for anything else !

It's almost 10:00pm and I am exhausted from all the moving and cleaning, playing and errands today and I even cleaned out the family truckster and vacuumed it today !

I hope you all have a great week coming up, it's a short work week for me !!!!

What would I give for normalcy ? .......................

normal

nor·mal

  [nawr-muhl]  

adjective

1.

conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.

Yeah that word doesn't exist in my life or in our house.

So the kids started school almost a month ago and things have been smooth sailing so far with a couple of hiccups.

I often wonder what it is like to have children that don't have to be reminded EVERYDAY to do the same thing over and over, is it nice to have kids who have learned their routine after 4 yrs ? Cause I wouldn't know.

I have a child who will only eat like 10 food items

What's it like to tell your child 2 or 3 times that a bee won't hurt them and have them just accept it and trust you - instead of 2 years later still running terrified into the house every time anything buzzes by. I wouldn't know

What is it like to not to have to wash your 9 yr olds hair cause of motor skill issues ? I don't know but I feel I need to or he won't get the soap out of his hair.

What's it like to have children who will  NOT sit still or not stop making grunting unhappy noises at any surprising noise  ? wouldn't know

What's it like to have a child who  WILL NOT ASK  his best friend " Are you poor  ? DO you  live in an apartment because you are poor ? " I have NO CLUE what that's like.

BUT THESE are things I do KNOW

Once they get it and learn it they will run with it and I will miss having to guide them.

I do know that I have heard some whopper stories, frustration and all and they will learn in time

I know that him Being terrified of bees will lead him to study them and understand them.

I know I have to let go and just let the soap get in his eyes, he will scream but the water will wash it away

I know that I will always know if he is in distress or unhappy

I know that I have a child who's curious and who will tell the truth and not sugar coat anything

What would I give for normalcy ?

                  NOTHING !

There is rarely  a day where I don't learn something new. I have one child who can do mathematical problems beyond his years and it amazes me. He creates comic books and characters. I have a son who will go and research something without being told or design his own excel spreadsheets to keep track of goals.

Yes he grunts or makes ugly noises if startled or annoyed or interrupted but he also gives the best squishy hugs. Yes he did ask his best friend if they were poor, sigh but with some extra guidance we told him why we don't ask people this and he did ask his friend for forgiveness and told them he was just curious.

I have a son turning into a young man who loves God, our church, family and neighbors. He's on his own path and sometimes it's hard to start letting go. I often worry about the middle school years, those are hell years because he's not so autistic that he doesn't understand popularity because believe me HE KNOWS and UNDERSTANDS IT

I have an almost 10 yr old who will still crawl into our bed every morning to have a good snuggle fest and he tells me of his dreams he had the night before or a new idea for a video game.

I have the greatest son who is smart, kind, loving, funny, quirky, autistic, temperamental, compassionate and learning to spread his wings to fly.

I have a girl who makes me laugh so hard sometimes that I cry. The things that she says and does it hilarious.  She is my social butterfly.

I have a girl who is smart and clever but she is also bouncing off the walls most days, a  body part is moving at all time except tv time and sleep.  There are days that she exasperates me but I love her beyond words and I take deep breaths and say this was you, this was you at this age.

I feel with Ava that when she was younger I put expectations onto her that I shouldn't have to make up for Logan's inability in some areas because of his autism so this has caused her to have some anxiety issues already and for this I feel like a suck parent.

I have this beautiful girl with these BIG brown eyes and people have often said she has Disney princess eyes. She's beautiful also because of  her spirit. Her spirit is so free and kind. I refer it to the wild horse syndrome, she is wild, whacky and carefree but she needs to be reigned in a little more.

I have this girl that is modest and knows right from wrong, she has a passion for Jesus and a heart of gold. She doesn't like violence and will weep even at the site of Moses killing a slave driver ( Bible mini series ). I often wonder if we have done to good of job in NOT letting them be  desensitized to violence but then the that thought goes away. I am glad they respond the way they do to violence, it's not natural to watch something violent and not be affected.

I have this beautiful spirited kind, loving compassionate clever, smart and humorous child that will grow into a young lady who wants to change the world for the better, I know she will be the hands and feet , at the same time in the middle of a conversation she will blurt out " We should not pick our noses in public " ??????

I have a husband who I love , I can't imagine my life without him.

There are days when I was tripping over power wheel parts, tools and other gadgets.  The husband who won't let me throw anything away cause may only use it again every 5 or 6 yrs.

To my husband who stands by me during the days I feel like I am losing my mind or the days I am tired, he's pretty awesome.

To the man who soups up power wheels to have the kids go faster and tree swings that make the kids go higher and screaming with joy or a self propelled lemonade stand, he's a pretty amazing dad.

Don't get me wrong, he does drive me batty but hey we're not normal, NOT by a long shot.

I mean we have a cat that will walk with us like a dog and follow us to the bus stop twice a day for the kids and is NOT afraid of dogs  or cars. 

I have one cat that ACTUALLY DEMANDS my affection, yeah if that's normal than pigs are gonna start flying.

We have a dog that is a nutcase and runs around crazy and can hop like a cricket.

Me ? yeah I'm definitely NOT NORMAL, never have been.

I blurt out things when it has no place, I might ask questions that offend,  I used to be pretty free spirited, growing up and being an adult has taken some of that away.

Logan and Ava are the ones who are teaching me about compassion cause that is something I didn't have much of before having them.  I am a social butterfly but I do miss social ques , which is a mix of Ava and Logan.

I have  a theory of my house is not a showroom yeah so watch out coming in the door you might trip on something ( not really but it's not a spotless house ) I have more important things to do with my family.

I'm not the skinny bouncy girl I was 22 yrs ago but I'm still happy, most of the time. As long as my husband is happy, kids are happy then I'm happy.

So some might say wow SO NOT NORMAL, but it's normal for us !

Teaching children to lie ...

                                                                   

So in my job I do a lot of calling.  Many times a child will answer the phone and I am talking like 4,5 and 6 yr old child age and this is how the conversation goes

Me: Yes may I speak to Mrs. Jones

Little Suzy : Who's this ?

Me: Cija from Bob's Market, can I speak to your mom ?

Little Suzy shouts, " Mom, it's Bob's market, they want to speak with you

Parent in the background whispers " Tell them I am not here " ( and you can hear them say it )

Little Suzy " They aren't here "


So many parent's probably think this is okay, really ? Blatantly telling a lie for your child to repeat.

In our house for years just up until last month, our kids have never answered the phone but not they have been practicing the proper way and can  handle it.

I would never tell my child to tell someone I wasn't there, I might tell them to tell the person to call back because  I am busy but than again, the kids know to look at caller id to see whose calling.

I am trying to think if I have ever intentionally led my children to lie, if I have oops but I really don't think I've done it intentionally.

I am just floored that parents would just teach their kids to lie like it's no big deal, people might think that's a small lie, BUT small lies lead to bigger ones.