Are you as jerky as your kid ?

It's been a long time since I've blogged.

I am not feeling particularly friendly these days,  I pretty much given up hope on the human race and my children's generation of miscreant heathens.

Trying to raise children with Christian morals and values in this day in age, you might as well put a HUGE BULLS EYE target on their backs.


Logan has made it no secret how we feel and believe on the subject on transgender and homosexuality at school and this of course has made him a target of the most cruel treatment. Logan will still treat people with respect and be friends with anyone because it's not our place to judge, we are simply following the word of God.


Funny to me how these little girls that Ava has been friends with since kindergarten are now magically lesbians over the summer. Could this stem from things going on their home lives ? Can it be they can't be accepted any other way except the fact that other feel they have to accept them if they say they are gay or be called bigots ?

Ava has a harder time showing her armor, she understands the social repercussions of going against the grain even though her beliefs do not reflect theirs.



I asked Ava so you're telling me your friend has had sex with a boy and a girl and this is how they know ? Ava replies, NO! Me, then your friend doesn't know anything about their sexuality unless someone is feeding it to them and brainwashing them or because it's cool to be gay right now.



Logan and Ava's generation, what's wrong with them ? Kindness outdated ? rules and moral code do not apply, self entitled brats who think they are better than everyone else and NO rules apply because my mom says I'm special.

Are you not checking your kids cell phone texts ? I can tell you a lot about Ava's friends that their parents probably have no clue or they have stuck their heads in the sand.

I check their phones every night and yes I've had to have many conversations with Ava about things that are being said and perceived.

I've also seen text of girls leading Logan on and being sexually explicit with him to the point of wanting to vomit that a 13 yr old girl would even say something that was said to him through text.

Every week we are presented with new bullying with Logan and yes OH and yes even kids from our church who are in Logan's class.


These are your children, they are a reflection of you, I think some parents are afraid to see the job they've done because it all points back to them and as always if I am not aware of something one of my kids has done or said please tell me, I would want to know.

Teach your children kindness, we are all allowed to have our beliefs without being bullied and tortured. teach your kids to be strong and stand up for themselves and others.

 I love everyone but I will not cave to what is not right just because someone will call me a bigot.  My actions speak louder than words.

Another birthday has come and gone and what we are learning

So Ava's 11th  birthday was a few months ago ( sorry for the delay on a new blog ).

Ava's party was fun as always and her and her friends had a great time.

Over the last few months I've noticed changes happening within Ava and her friends.


I see that Ava is learning to say NO to be manipulated by certain friends and asserting herself more which I applaud her, I am appalled at home some people don't see the way their kids really are and yes I know Ava is NOT perfect, I know she has said and done things but we address them head on and use them as a way to guide her.

I've noticed within Ava to want to break free from being a little girl NOT completely , she still wants to dissolve chalk and use it as play make up so it gets in her air and in her ears but then she will turn around after she washes it all off and will state and try to will me that she can wear this top with those tights or pants even though it looks hideous together but you know, look hideous if you want child. I will choose my battles at this point.


Ava can handle herself online well and yes to answer this for other parents, I SEE every word she and your children types to her , even in her games she plays ( when I am sitting next to her, or I log in to check her chats for the week ) and I hold her accountable for the way she behaves even when others are trying to lead her astray from what she knows is right and wrong.

I've caught a lot of interesting conversations through animal jam and Facebook messenger (* yes my kids have Face book with the sole purpose from when our friend was missioning around the world they could speak with her at anytime and for  playing games ) but again I check every few days on posts and conversations.

Sad thing is, I think if I showed some of these other parents what their kids have said when they don't think an adult is seeing they wouldn't care or they would deflect or deny their precious baby didn't say those things but I have it all saved ....... incase ............


The physical change with Ava has been mind blowing as well, she is no longer  a little girl in the bodily sense, it's crazy to think in  6 yrs she will be dating !

Ava and her bestie will be performing in the school talent show doing  a singing number this coming Friday ~! Lots of things happening and changing.


My main goal for Ava right now is for her to remain strong in who she is, don't let ANYONE manipulate her, even if it means losing the manipulator as a friend. For her to control her mouth ( yes she comes by this honestly from me ) and when it's best to keep quiet and just let people ruin themselves because eventually people will turn and walk away from those who tend to do others harm.

Above all, even if someone has been unkind to her, she need to be kind, she needs to weather the storm to come out the other side of the rainbow.

Ava you can fly as long as you give up things and those who weigh you down.

So it begins .........................

Ava is on the threshold  of turning 11, if you can believe that !

Today when she got home she informed us two of her classmates were making fun of her because she wore a sweater dress and jeans underneath it. Now the sweater is a little long but I don't consider it  a dress but I don't know much about fashion.

The two girls also were picking on her saying " Are you really going to wear that to middle school ? that kinda of outfit and that silly zebra coat ?  "

I asked Ava what was her reply, Ava said she said " no " just to make them be quiet.

OH and also her boots didn't mean anything because they didn't say  Uggs on them.

I hugged Ava and told her " You looked great today ! I wish I had such sassy clothes like that and you have your own style and what is more important than how we look ? "

Ava - " what's inside "

Me -  That's right and today those girls had an ugliness in them and one day someone is going to do it to them  BUT I expect you to do the right thing.



I know Ava isn't perfect but she knows that teasing someone because of clothes is a horrible thing to do. WE CHOOSE NOT to buy over priced boots and clothes, THERE IS NO POINT to it  but my kids look pretty dang good when they leave the house.

Building your child's armor and their ability to withstand others cruelty  is the MOST important thing you can do to get them ready for the onslaught of middle school and high school.

Parents YOU NEED to see and KNOW how your child behaves when YOU are not around. I guess the one thing that keeps Ava in check is that she has a shadow and that shadow is  a 6yr old neighbor girl who  LOVES , LOVES Ava and looks up to Ava ( and of course the man upstairs ) and wants to be like her so much. I get a lot of compliments from other parents in our neighborhood about how Ava is so gentle and kind with the littler kids but we don't raise her to be kind for compliments, we raise her to be kind because it's the human thing to do.

And if YOU see Ava behaving in a way that is wrong, I would appreciate knowing so I can address it and she can learn a lesson from her behavior. I have caught her once or twice being snide or not so nice with some and she made her shadow cry once  and I called the the girl  and Ava over  and explained to  Ava how to explain to the child that she needed a break but would be out to play later and the funny thing is 6 months later this same girl who is Ava's shadow said the same thing to another neighborhood child, " I need a short break for a few minutes to rest, I will be back out later "chain reaction of having better communication.


We can't be there every waking moment but I want to know her armor is strong to be able withstand these mean girls that are there now and the meaner they get when they get older


You can do this AVA !

I love you
I'm proud of you
Don't let them get to you, these moments won't matter in 20 yrs, the only thing that matters in 20 yrs are the friends who stuck by you and would tell these mean girls to get lost.

Growing up in so many ways..................

December 3rd Logan turned 12.  So hard to believe he is a tween now. I've been watching him closely for the last 4 months to see how he is changing not only physically but socially, mentally and spiritually.


Logan is turning into a pretty amazing person, now with that being said he having his moments of smart mouthiness but quick attitude change comes when the cell phone goes away and his gaming but overall he's a pretty great kid.


His grades are great, two had dropped to B's but back up to A's and his saxaphone  playing pretty great, his first concert was on his bday and they were amazing.


Socially well we are getting there, trying to teach him he just can't run up to anyone who he thinks is a friend and tell that person to tell a certain girl that he's in love with them without people looking at him like what in tarnation was that !

Logan is very VERY confident which is a good thing but can be a double edged sword at times, yes he has that confidence but wow we are teaching that in this day in age he needs to watch himself because everyone gets upset over the littlest of things, reign it in a bit lover boy !


Physically of course he's changing but he's still the bumbler and fumbler, just today he fell in the drive way and banged up his shins and arms by barely running, DRIVEWAY 1  -  LOGAN 0.


Spiritually this is the one area that I don't quite often worry about because there is something about him and the way he carries his spirituality.  A few weeks ago Logan came to me and stated he needed to talk to a guidance counselor about his friend  " John " I asked him why. Logan explained that some of the boys in his small group at his church were referring to his friend " John" as Waldo, the kid doing this rides " John's bus " and apparently a lot of the sixth graders are referring to " John " as Waldo and NOT in a nice way. ( didn't know about the last part of a lot of sixth graders being in on this til after our discussion and talking with another parent and their child )

I explained to Logan that the guidance counselor at school does need to be notified if it's happening at school but for church I would find out who we need to speak with to get this under control because that this kid is doing is not Christ like example BUT I also don't want Logan to become a target of these kids either.  So I found out who I need to speak with and all that jazz but I'm still proud of Logan for wanting the others to do the right thing.

I explained to the kids that just because you go to church doesn't mean anything, it's your actions and the things you say that matter and show people the love of Christ. I have failed in that area, we all have but I keep pushing and keep trying to show the kids that Love even in the sesspool place we call earth, Love is the key.


Yesterday one of the most interesting things happened to where Logan was tested in his faith to his beliefs and I am quite proud of him.

I got him the new Captain Underpants book ( GAG ME ) for his birthday, I have always been like eew on this series, potty humor and the fact Logan wants to read it all the time instead of books that are above his capability was driving me crazy. So I gave him this book  Thursday. Yesterday afternoon he came to me looking all concerned and said " I don't think I can read this book anymore, something is wrong " I asked what was wrong with the book and he said there was a same sex couple in the book ( this is a child to tween cartoonish comic book ). There in black and white was this passage Uncle Harold and HIS HUSBAND and there was a picture of the two men together with their family.

I said  " Do you still want to read the book or series, you can it's up to you " Logan replied, " No, because it's wrong and I don't want to read it anymore "

I am so proud of Logan, he overcame his loving of this book series to stand by his principles and it wasn't that hard for him, it was just like a matter of fact and that was it so today we are going back to the book store and exchanging his book for another book.

Now think what you want, we know gay families and my children understand we still love them, we don't judge them, we just don't agree with that lifestyle and that IS OKAY and I teach my children it is okay to have a different view and NOT to be brainwashed by their school or society that will tell them they are wrong.



Logan's birthday weekend is at a close and it's been a wonderful weekend filled with  friends  and family and the people who love him dearly. Logan understands how truly blessed he is to have people who love him.  We exchanged his book and had his favorite pizza place and now we are just relaxing.

Hey Logan, your armor is showing ......................

I have to say middle school transition has been great for Logan, a few things here and there that are to be expected with middle schoolers  but I am really proud of of Logan. Saxaphone playing sounds soooo goood and soothing!

For health class Logan had to bring a box of 8 things that represent who he is, items  he took

1. A chess piece

2. A gaming controller

3. A sheet of music

4. Pictures of Ava

5. Pictures of our family

6. A guitar pick

7.  A book

8. His special bible that Rachel gave him last year.


Now Logan said he was nervous about taking the bible, I told him it was up to him, he needs to do what he feels he's led too.


Later that day when I came home, I said how did your presentation go ? He said it went great, he told me what he said on every object he took, I said what did you say about your  Bible and did anyone react negatively ?

Logan said " I told them this Bible is my most treasured possession and it shows everyone who I am and it was given to me by my very special Friend Rachel who came home from Africa. "

I hugged him so tight and I whispered " Your light is shining "

So he also told me about a boy who he has known since  kindergarten was harassing  him because he brought his bible, the kid stated " YOU can't bring that to school, you can't even take it to McDonald's "

 I told Logan, sometimes people, even children can have black hearts for whatever reason, what did you say to him ? Logan said he ignored him because he knows the law and he follows his heart.


A few days after Logan shared his box, a kid came up to Logan and said he was watching him during his presentation and invited him to join the FCA ( fellowship of Christian Athletes ) at the school, Logan said I hate sports,  ( LOL ) they kid explained what they do to Logan, Logan came home and announced he was no longer doing  coding club  because FCA was more important and I am so proud of this because he WILL have A support system in school with kids who have the same belief as he does, it's comforting.

I'm glad we are constantly talking to the children about ways others especially kids their age can really do damage to their belief system because they want to fit in and we are constantly reinforcing what it means to be a christian, to NOT let society tell us what laws we have to obey if we don't believe in something, TO NOT be forced to, we don't answer to man, we answer to our creator.

Build that armor now so they know how to stand up for their  beliefs and themselves

A Hard Season

March 28th 9 yrs ago..................

                                                                 

You're thinking March 28th 2006  ? hmmmm it sounds so familiar and so long ago.

It was Ava's first birthday when we got that fateful call that morning to bring Logan to testing.

I already knew in my heart for months  what the answer was going to be.


They were gone for hours, Logan and Ryan but I knew when they returned, my husband's face when he had left was happy and maybe a little apprehensive  had changed to a face of worry, anxiety and fear and pain, the death of our first child, well the child we had known for 2 yrs and now on our sweet girl's first birthday sorrow had taken over.........



But for those who know us, we don't allow Logan's D day ( diagnoses day  ) Overshadow Ava's birthdays, it's her day to feel super amazing.


It was a conscience decision we had to make, Ava was not at fault of it happening that day, her day.

I remember Logan coming thru the door and smiling and running to his grandmother and to his sister, happy as always.

When Ryan told me they confirmed it, I cried, not my baby even though I had known in my heart for months.

So many fears of OMG he's NOT NORMAL, he's going to be the weird kid like I was !! He won't have any friends, what are we going to do  ???

How will Ava turn out having a brother who's so different and what about her?  Will she have it ?



We all handled it in our own ways but after a few months we were on the same page as far as discipline continuing and loving Ava and Logan the same and we would not treat him as a disability.


It was such hard work and Ava right by her brother's side NEVER letting him retreat to the solidarity cage inside himself.

Days and years of therapy, and IEP's have paid off.

I remember once Logan came home in first grade and told me he didn't like having autism, it was frustrating to him.

YES Logan has always known he's autistic, why hide it ?

BUT now he understands that some of how he is so academically gifted and gifted in other areas is because of his autism.

A few months ago we explained to Logan when we found out and how he was diagnosed on Ava's first birthday and this really upset him and his response was " Ava, I'm sorry I ruined your first birthday."

We sat down and had a long talk and I assured him he didn't ruin her birthday, it's just another interesting story we have for our life.

BUT the most important thing to take away from this blog is our marriage

The divorce rate among parents with children with special needs is Soooooooooooooooo high it's between 80 and 90 percent.

THE ONE thing that sticks out about that day the most is this interaction between Ryan and I later that night

ME " it took so long, why did it take you guys so long to get home ?"  ( from his testing )
Ryan " I took the long way home to give you 20 more minutes of the life you knew before it changed"

That my friends is what I remember most about that day, my husband taking that time to think of me and what this was going to do to me and our life as a family and I am forever grateful for Ryan for loving me enough for thinking of me in those moments when his heart was breaking.



I love you Ryan